What's Important? How can i feel the love today. God is Love.

Date:   10/13/2005 12:30:38 PM ( 19 y ago)

Today is the Day of Yom Kippur
the Jewish Day of Atonement.

I normally spend this time with my B'nai Horin Community
at Brandeis Bardin Retreat Center in the Simi Valley./
They had a fire there and the regular place we worship,
called the House of the Book, is safe, but all the Olive
Trees and wonderful outdoor ambiance is burned.

I saw the site at the end of Rosh Hashanah about ten days
ago, taken up there by the Resident Maintenance Person on site.

I decided to come home for Yom Kippur, the first time in more than
one dozen years. The service last night with the Elijah Minyon
was frightened in the beginning. I felt like leaving and rushing up to
the B'nai Horin event, but I was too tired.

I basically sat down and went into a deep semi trance meditation,
separating myself from the conventional prayers that have little meaning
for me. They mainly bring up Stuff from childhood when my father
attempted to slam a lot of this stuff down. My main childhood response
was running away, or finding places to hide.

I became a criminal element in my own mind, an sort of outcast,
an definite outsider. These bodily sensations were underscored
with the death of my mother when I was around the age of 12, a year
before boys going through rituals called Bar Mitzvah.

My mother died of cancer. I do remember that she had both
her breasts cut off. I took in her sadness. I was very close to her.

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It is an amazing thing that I have found as much happiness in life.
Most of this has come through going deep into the Soul where each of
us are perfect. My main connect points that are most fulfilling in this
life are through intimate connection.

I am at a day in my life where I am doing my best in this moment
to gather up some materials to create an Earth Altar for an Earth Ritual
later today when I will read the Declaration of Interdependence
with the group.

The conventional Jewish experience stirs up the feelings that
i missed the boat regarding family, marriage, children, conventional
career. All this of course is mind thoughts that seem to slip away
when I am connecting with another human being closely
and many times when I am in service as Your Enchanted Gardener.

The foundation of many of us seems to be unstable right now.
That is what all the earthquakes and fires and floods are all about.

We are all being asked to look at What's important?

So what is important?

Love makes the world go round.
Right now i feel in shock that i do not feel more
connected with the love that i have in my life.

I know there is plenty of love in my life,
but right now i am feeling shaky
and feeling longings i do not know how to satisfy.

On this day I am aware of my addictions.

They talk about sin in the conventional Jewish service.
Sin is where we are off the mark.

The bulls eye is the mark.

Some friends i have expert at just feeling this kind of
discomfort and letting the body move through the sensations
from the past that are contained in the body.

Off to the garden to say hello to some of my friends
the plants, and gather a bouqhet.

It is one way i show share love today.

The Rabbi, a friend, Wayne Dosick asked
us to look at how do we connect with God?

The garden is one way.
Longing brings us insights as well
about how to steady the course.

Some days we are just going to feel off the mark
and this is a good thing, to stop and being with all this.

I wish you well you in journey today.
Let's connect later and feel the love.

God is Love.

eg

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