This is from an interveiw with Felice Dunas,
author of Passion Play.
I quote her in my book,
The Seven Love Cures.
http://www.lesliegoldman.com/Worlds_Greatest_Lovers/id33.htm
I love her teachings about
the anatomy of the male-female
sexual organs,and how to reach a woman's heart,
she needs to allow you really, deeply in physically,
The man, on the other hand, has his heart touched
with the tip of the penis is aroused.
This is from an interview with Felice
that you will find on the web here:
http://www.newshe.com/bodymindsex4.shtml
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Mind Body Sex
Aired: Thursday - April 25, 2002
Description:
Explore the power of the mind over the body, how environmental factors affect our sexua| esteem, the differences in the way sexua| esteem impacts men versus women, what to do to enhance our sexua| esteem, and how sexua| esteem impacts our overall health.
Guests:
Laura Redmond - Author, Feel Good Naked
Felice Dunas, Ph.D. - Author, Passion Play
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Transcript:
01:34:40 GRAPHICS ON SCREEN
Berman & Berman
01:34:46 GRAPHICS ON SCREEN
Drs. Jennifer & Laura Berman
01:34:46 Jennifer Berman OC
Welcome back to Berman & Berman. I'm
Jennifer.
01:34:49 Laura Berman OC/VO
And I'm Laura, and we're so happy to have Felice Dunas here with us today. Felice is a doctor of Oriental Medicine and the author of "Passion Play, Ancient secrets for a lifetime of health and happiness through sensational sex."
01:35:02 Jennifer Berman OC
Welcome.
01:35:02 Laura Berman OC
So welcome Felice, thanks for being here.
01:35:04 Felice Dunas OC
Delicious subject, isn't it?
01:35:07 Laura Berman VO/OC
The first question about sensational sex is
what are the ancient teachings that teach us how to have sensational sex?
01:35:14 Felice Dunas OC/VO
Well wonderfully enough…
GRAPHICS ON SCREEN
Felice Dunas, PH.d. Author, Passion Play
…the ancient Chinese medical system
which is sort of the source of acupuncture
was really one of the first medical systems
to study sexuality as a field of research.
One of the great secrets that came from
that was the understanding that by making
love sexually you actually create more love
emotionally. You know women tend to
feel that we need to have all kinds of
loving feelings for our partners before
we're able to express our sexuality, and
we don't understand the male aspect,
which is you know, "Honey if you grab me
right here, right now I'll be a really happy
guy and I will love you I promise."
01:35:51 Laura Berman OC
And I'll be really intimate with you.
Emotionally intimate.
01:35:53 Felice Dunas OC/VO
Yes that's right. Right. You know if you
want to get to a man's heart you don't start
at his stomach. There are other places that
you start.
01:36:02 Jennifer Berman VO/OC
But isn't that teaching us sort of you know,
using, we as women and children are taught not to use sex to gain, you know, attention or intimacy from, from, from men. I mean that's something that, that just rings so deep, at least in me, in my psyche.
01:36:18 Laura Berman VO/OC
But, but the way that we're wired is that
men achieve intimacy through having sex.
01:36:23 Felice Dunas VO
That's right.
01:36:23 Laura Berman OC/VO
And women typically need to feel intimate
in order to be sexual. And I think what
you're saying is that sometimes if we can
take that leap and try to connect with our
partner sexually, even when we're not
feeling so intimate that it sometimes
inspires intimacy and inspires more
intimacy as a result.
01:36:39 Felice Dunas OC/VO
It absolutely can, especially if you allow
yourself to be comfortable with what you
choose to do. You don't do it because he
says do it. You say, "All right. I'm not all
the way here yet, but I'm willing to
experiment another step. I'm willing to go
further." But another wonderful thing that
they discovered in ancient China was the
importance of seduction. Seduction is truly
an art form, and that art form is one that
neither men nor women in our society have
an understanding of.
01:37:07 Jennifer Berman VO
And what is it, what is seduction or what do you mean by that?
01:37:10 Felice Dunas VO/OC
Well you see the ancient Chinese felt that
the way to access a woman's sexuality
was you started at the top of her body and
you would work your way down.
01:37:18 Jennifer Berman VO
Her brain or just her neck?
01:37:20 Felice Dunas OC
That's right.
01:37:21 Laura Berman VO
Okay.
01:37:21 Felice Dunas VO/OC
That's right.
01:37:22 Laura Berman VO
Amen.
01:37:22 Felice Dunas VO/OC
You start with her sense organs. You start
stimulating her intellectually. This is why
men feel they have to jump through hoops
all the time because they have to stimulate
our brains. But once we are stimulated
intellectually, our sexua| feelings move
down and open our hearts.
01:37:38 Laura Berman OC
Can you guys relate to that?
01:37:39 Group of women VO
Yes.
01:37:40 Jennifer Berman VO/OC
Or stimulate us emotionally as well as
intellectually, you know.
01:37:43 Laura Berman OC
Right.
01:37:44 Felice Dunas OC
Well it's a process. The ancient Chinese
felt that by stimulating someone
intellectually you would then allow the
heart to open. And then that this great
thing happens when your heart opens,
right, and that is our legs open. It's just
true.
01:38:01 Laura Berman OC
So.
01:38:02 Jennifer Berman OC
So that's the mind-body sex connection.
01:38:04 Felice Dunas VO/OC
Absolutely. The way to access a woman's
sexuality is you begin at her mind and you
allow her heart to open on the way.
01:38:12 Laura Berman OC/VO
And what about the kinds of things that
we've been talking about is the power that
the mind has over our bodies, the negative
self-speak that we do, what kinds of
teachings can we take away from, from
ancient China around that? Is there any
lessons to learn?
01:38:26 Felice Dunas OC
Harmonizing your mind was a very
important part of the seductive process.
Harmonizing your mind so that you are
mentally able to be present when you
make love. Now women are used to
thinking men have to do the seducing, and
we're not used to taking responsibility
ourselves.
01:38:42 Jennifer Berman VO/OC
And what does that mean, harmonizing our
mind?
01:38:45 Felice Dunas VO/OC
Meaning, allowing our minds to come into
harmony with the idea that we're going to
make love. You see, if we think about our
fat and give ourselves permission to think
about our fat, we will not be thinking about
how delicious we feel, fat and all.
01:39:00 Laura Berman OC
Right.
01:39:01 Felice Dunas OC/VO
And we have to choose to change our
focus. It, it needs to be a conscious
decision for women. You know sometimes
the time that it takes to have a delicious
sexual experience is something we want to
avoid. We want quickies; we want fast
food sex.
01:39:16 Laura Berman OC
Right. Yeah.
1:39:18 Felice Dunas OC/VO
And the female body just doesn't work that way.
##
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Sex the Great Healer
By Felice Dunas, Ph.D.
http://www.felicedunas.com/Pages/art_8.html
Finally, that spa trip you have long awaited is almost here. In magnificent seclusion, hidden away from time and urban life, you and your beloved will rediscover each other. Under the ancient arms of gently swaying trees, you will regenerate yourselves. And while all thought of budgets, children, and employment melt away, you may even have the best sex of your life.
Many couples notice that it takes a vacation away from daily stresses to relax the body, free the mind, and rediscover sexua| desire. That's because erotic love naturally blends together with physical and mental healing. When you recover from an illness or climb out from under that mountain of papers, your sex drive returns. Overwork, worry, and physical strain consume the juice needed to run your sexua| batteries. But in case you had forgotten, sex, like health, is worthy of rediscovery.
Everything in life is easier if you are having great sex. Mountains turn into molehills. You appreciate of the goodness life brings you, your outlook brightens, and your body feels more vital. If you think these statements aren't true, you have never had great sex on a regular basis.
So why must it take a bungalow, a Jacuzzi, and your parents babysitting for a week to revive the passion confined by the daily grind?
It is possible to maintain that healthy hunger for life and each other without depending upon that elusive weekend off. But you must have a clear idea of how great sex and great health complement and create each other. Then you can intentionally use one to access the other and create lifestyle habits that allow you more of both.
Sex Makes Us Healthy
We know that every part of the body must be used to remain vital. Medical literature has shown us that to keep the heart healthy it needs stimulation with aerobic exercise. Bones require weight bearing exercise to maintain high calcium levels and avoid osteoporosis. Even octogenarians can revive a fading memory with a few simple mental exercises.
The sex organs are no exception. For example, women who breast feed have lower breast cancer rates, while celibate men turn up with higher percentages of prostate and related cancers. A woman who enjoys regular sex may have fewer PMS symptoms. Actively sexua| women going through menopause have fewer symptoms associated with the drop in reproductive hormone levels. This means that they get to feel wet and wild into their 90s. And because of the release of endorphins (the body's own feel-good drugs) during the act, outlook also improves. Depression just can't exist in the middle of great sex. Have you noticed? We benefit from using the body in all the ways it was designed to be used.
As an acupuncturist and doctor of traditional Oriental medicine, I have discovered that the early Chinese physicians were among history's first sexologists. They spent thousands of years observing their patients to learn more about the nature of the sexes and the optimal ways to utilize sex for pleasure and healing. For my professional ancestors, sex was not just a pastime to be enjoyed for recreational and procreative purposes. It was a highly valued and coveted tool: an antiaging strategy and the source of unlimited power to be tapped into at will. These great sages spent centuries formulating their ideas, which, by the first century A.D., were already quite advanced.
In this country, sex education is about how babies are made. But ancient Chinese scholars realized that a high level of sexua| skill involved techniques that brought both pleasure and health. Multi-orgasmic experiences for both men and women were important aspects of lovemaking. This required men to develop the ability to separate orgasm from ejaculation. It was proven that orgasm is not what puts a man to sleep within thirty seconds of climax, rather, it is the ejaculatory process. A man could have many orgasms in one lovemaking session if he could control the release of semen.
The idea that sex is an antiaging tool is based upon the idea that you can make love with skills that actually generate more life force. You can lower your biological age by bringing more stamina into your body through sexua| play. The vitality that keeps us alive is intertwined with sexua| strength. The more vitality generated in the bedroom, the more that's available to live your life. Likewise, if you waste your life force in the bedroom with unskilled sex, the weaker you become generally. While sexua| ecstasy inspires the body to function at its best, sexua| frustration propels people into old age.
During your precious few days at a spa or retreat, your mind slows down and your sex drive reminds you that it still exists. An acupuncturist would tell you that this is because the "pot" of energy that governs the mind also governs sex drive. There is one battery to run both heads, so to speak. This is true for both women and men.
So when your brain is cranking 24 hours, 7 days a week, there is not a whole lot of juice left over to keep your sexua| engine running. It isn't that your libido is gone, it's that it's being used to cut a path through that jungle of mental activity you muddle through every day.
Why wait until you are off in some resort with hot springs and palm trees? Rejuvenate your sex drive now! If you follow the idea that quieting the mind lets your libido speak louder, you can create islands in time for the heat of passion even during the most hectic days of the week. And what else is there to do on an island? Listen to music, stroll through beautiful scenery, dine upon fine food in a relaxed atmosphere, regain your strength, and boogie your brains out.
I have always suggested a once-a-week date night to my patients (see sidebar). If that is not suitable for you, come up with your own variation. The rules are that kids, business, money, and in-laws are not permitted topics for discussion, and that each date night is consistently planned for and written into your schedule and nothing but the Resurrection or a life-threatening illness will change that. By taking the time for yourselves, everything-your stamina, outlook, health, and love affair-will improve, and you'll be able to have homemade vacation-style sex any night of the week. HR&S
Sexual Chi Resides in the Kidneys
Want to eat your way to sexua| health? Traditional Oriental medicine has some general suggestions. Eat the foods below regularly, though not necessarily every day. Gradually, they will strengthen your sexua| vitality and help maintain it for years to come.
* Foods with a salty flavor (such as celery, seaweed, and fish)
* Black, gray, and dark blue foods (e.g., black beans, blue corn, blueberries, miso, olives, dark mushrooms)
* Fish (freshwater is helpful, but ocean fish is better)
* Lamb, beef, or deer meat
* Seafood (shrimp, crayfish, lobster, oysters, mussels)
* Eggs
* Tofu (well cooked)
* Bone marrow (use this to make soups)
* Organ meats (especially kidneys)
* Quail and quail eggs
* Walnuts
* Molasses (a teaspoon in a cup of hot water)
The perfect date for sex and healing
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and . . . zzzz. I don't know who invented the romantic ideal of wining and dining followed by passionate lovemaking, but whoever it was did not understand the human body and probably had mediocre sex. To feel desire and make love well, your body needs certain conditions. Keep the following in mind:
The shared pleasure of a sumptuous meal is a lovely way to unite two loving souls. But if you also want to unite sexually, eat early and take two hours to digest before making love. Try an early dinner and make your date a dessert date. A light dessert (as opposed to something large and sinfully rich) is a fun way to share something sensuous. Or, make love before dinner. Instead of using the intimacy of a meal to bring you together, why not work up an appetite with a delicious intimate encounter? If you drink alcohol on your date, keep it moderate. Alcohol can be a sexua| asset if one of you is nervous or shy, but drinking can also inhibit sexua| function by sedating your nervous system. Be careful about your after-dinner coffee. If you need caffeine to jump start lovemaking, don't drink so much that you won't be able to sleep afterward. The room you make love in should be cozy and warm. If your feet are chilled, it may take more genital stimulation to warm them up. If you are exhausted or stressed out when you get to the bedroom, don't push it. Use the sexua| energy you do have to create a calmer, gentler intimacy. Or go to sleep and get ready for a passionate morning. Drink something hot after making love. Red hot passion uses the body's energy reserves. Once you've cooled off, hot cider or herbal tea can put the heat back in.
To order Passion Play or to contact Dr. Dunas call 888-488-HEAL. Or, e-mail her at felice@felicedunas.com.
Next up:
A poem in process--
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