Morning thoughts. I want to get into some deep issues that are up for me. I want to write about them. This came out first.

Date:   6/14/2005 6:12:43 PM ( 19 y ago)

I committed murder last night.
For nine or more days before
heading for Los Angeles
I used up another rainforest of trees
in toilet paper.

Get the picture?

This was not your normal
loose bowel.
This was your watery explosive
loose bowel
that comes after the Body has totally
given up the last ditch effort
to make sense of what
would normally be called food.

This is when nothing will go
in the mouth and come out the other end
with any semplance of order.
It is as if the kidneys, liver, stomach
and mouth are not speaking to each other
and not on the same page.

This is the kind of loose bowel..
(or substitute your own immune system
breakdown here...)
when the head of you and the body of you
and the soul of you are fighting each other
and the emotions you are really feeling
are not getting said.

This morning I could be writing about
some Miracle Cure. we all love to read about
those don't we?

We like to hear how through Zapping this
or that, we knocked out the Little Buggers,
or through going here or there we found the
Great John of God in some Brazilian backwoods
who was able to dip his hand into the body
and pull out tumors
kiss it,
and make it all better without a stitch.

As a professional sick person I have
had a lot of "been there, done that."
I have received my share of miracles.
I would be dead today if I hadn't.

But sometimes we have to simply
do the right thing.

Just yesterday because I had to,
because I wanted to sit in Council with other
healers on a mountaintop in Topanga Canyon,CA
I put myself on my best behavior.
I doused myself --for the third day in a row--
those little bottles of Live 50 Billion $5.00 a pop acidolphilus critters
Whole Foods sells.
This started to improve my condition.
I was able to stay out of the bathroom much
of the day.

(Aside: They come in a tiny little yogurt like container
and are in the refrig. I think the brand is called KB..I will check that
for you.).

...But then as the evening came
I started to feel a range of emotions.
I was frightened.
I was angry. I did not want to look
at any of these feelings.
Finally, I started to feel hopelessness.
and went for the cookies on the potluck table
I ate cookies all the way home.

When Life seems to fail us--
we can always sit down on the job and go on strike.
We can withhold saying what we really have to say
both to ourselves and others.

We can show our anger to God by refusing to play.
We can throw in the towel.

Have you ever looked deeply at the sign on the handicap
placard?

To me it look like a man sitting down on the job,
sitting down on the world and refusing to play.

Dr. Jensen irked me once or twice telling a story
about the beggers in India who make a profession
out of helplessness and hopelessless and neediness.

He was sayihg he had to make a decision not to give
because begging can become a way of life.

One day, he opened up his coin purse to the cutest
little girl who came up to him and said,
"I have no mudder. I have no father."
He felt so sad for her.
He gave her a coin.

Then ten steps later, there was a little boy.
He said, "I have no mudder. I have no father."
He gave him a coin.

Ten steps later there was this elderly man.
who came up to Jensen and said,
I have no mudda. I have no father."
Jensen had to thing twice about that one.
He almost said, "At your age, you are not
suppose to have a mother and father.

I guess there are a lot of ways to look at that
last comment of his. But the truth is,
it does not matter how old we are.
Unless we finally deal with the underlying
issues that are keeping us crippled,
we will continue to be crippled.

None of these issues are easy to look at.
No conversation is easy to say with a Lover,
with a friend--especially when we have let them
inside us, an the consequences of what they might say
may throw us off the path of controlling where we want to
go. Sometimes we just have to surrender
to what needs to be really healed rather
than looking for trhe next physical remedy
or mind bandaid.

If we can get to the level of Soul--
if we can open up the gates through
opening up the narrow places,
the blocked places, the suppressed places,
our immune system had receive fresh energies
from life to receive the wholeness we already are.

I truly believe that some of us are
giving the luxury of being ill. This can be a Gift
both to ourselves and to others.

Illness becomes a gift when we come to terms
willl the Physical things that need to change in the world
and do something about them. Illness becomes a Gift
to the world when we transform the inner things
inside us and stop murdering the flow of Life Force
through us.

The illness can become a Gift when we share our experience
and lift ourselves up and out of the places of slavery and addictions
where we are feeling
stuck.

Jensen would invite people out to his health resort in nature.
He found that simply by emmersing themselves in fresh air,
sunshine, clean water, hiking, sunbathing,
smelling fresh air--60 % of all the health compaints disappeared
before he ever saw them in his office.

He was a master motivator. He took those in need to the level
of Soul. He took his patients to the level where abundant energy flows.
On the Soul level, none of us are beggers
not for energy, not for life.

By emmersing ourselves in nature and doing natural things,
by finding a way to accept the friendship and trust of those
we love and who love us,
by uplifting our participation in the quality of
relationships we have--through finding a way to speak up--
even with Mudda and Father--
we can uplift our crippled world
by being one less cripple in it.

Some of us have the time to truly get to the bottom
of what is ailing us, to the bottom of what makes us
so angry that we will commit murder upon ourselves.

The worse murder,
the most painful murder we can commit, is disallowing
the world from receiving what we were born to give.
This is enough to make anyone ill.

The day comes when we simple get up
from our beds and walk.

The day is coming when I will stop killing the rainforest.

Your Enchanted Gardener,
Leslie

___
I was surprised to write this...
I have some deeper thoughts that will
take a lot more energy to write about
then I have now. Had an amazing healing
day yesterday, and see more coming
This is Shavuot,,,until tomorrow night...
a time when comunity forms.
A time to harvest the birth day of first fruits
on the trees and on the Tree of our own Life.
____


Here are some Blogs of my Journey
into this earlier this Spring that Started
with my attending my 40th High School ReUnion:
http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=120







 

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