This is a dream about Self Esteem and how others sees us often determined how we see ourselves.

Date:   6/7/2005 7:40:35 AM ( 19 y ago)

I just had an very interesting dream of
brought up questions of Self Esteem.

It was some kind of Day of Judgement.

Numbers of previous housemates
who had left feeling they had not had their
say or been wronged in some way by me,
got to have their way with me.

I cannot remember the details.
It was definitely housemates who felt
they had been poorly treated.

I could not believe that some of them
had felt this way, but each had individual
times when they could do things to do
or some how get even.

Then, the last one came, a man
who I did not remember ever hurting in any way,
and he was insistent that I climb down this
long rope more than 150 feet down.

I was scared not to do what he said.
I felt some sense of obligation.

I believed I could do it, although I am afraid of
heights. The connections between the rope I
was to hold on to was flimsy. It was held together
by metal connections.

I was suppose to hold on to it,
and somehow allow my feet to catch on ladder
like footholds if I could reach them.

It was a test of some kind, and I felt obligated
to do this to balance out what I had done wrong.

Then a truck came by of an old acquaintance
friend who I had known all the way back to the
Kindergarden. He pulled up his truck and blocked
the path to the cliff where I was to go down.

He also knew the man who was setting up
this demand that I go down this rope-like ladder.

Somehow it came up that my arms did not go
over my head, but were restricted.
I realized this might be another inbediment to
making it down, but I did not see that this
would limit my success.

Then he looked at the strung together pieces
I was to climb and he had more understanding
of the Ways of this World. He pointed out
how clearly, in spite of my mental idea that
I could do this thing, the structure of the pieces
would have broken. It could not hold me and I
would have fallen.

He had a bunch of ladders on his truck.
He befriended me somehow, like an Elder Brother.
He also had some shawls or sarongs
that I am known to wear.

Someone came by and was very interested
in the ladders. Suddenly a bunch of other
people came by and wanted to buy things,
both ladders that were for sale at an inexpensive
price, as well as shawls.

Some man brought about five shawls at a good deal.
I came over and the man who had the truck
pointed out that these were shawls that were
among my favorites, or ones he had sold me
a long time ago. He was a bit wrong.
The colors were not the same, but the patterns were
the same.

Then he showed me that if I tied the shawls together,
they would be strong enough to hold me my weight down
the cliff. I could catch my feet at the places
were it was knotted.

I trusted his judgement that the original ladderlike rope
could not hold me, and this could.

Somehow, some other friends may have shown up
and I did not have to go down this cliff.

In the next scene, I was in the back of an auditorium.
On the stage were a number of mainly men who I had
known. I thought I recognized one from high school named
Carl, but at our High School ReUnion, he never recognized
that I had been his mentor. He was an A student, and went
on to evolve way beyond our mentor-student relationship.
I do not sense that he recognized me after he went on.

All of a sudden, someone from off stage had a different kind
of energy, and everyone started singing a song.
It may have been happy birthday, Leslie or
something like He's a Jolly Good Fellow.

The whole place started singing praises to me,
but it caught be off guard because I did not see myself
that way in my own eyes.

I yelled out, something like Life is unjust.
I screamed.

Then, in the next scene, there was a book.
And everyone was filling out a page of reflections
of how they had been kindly treated by me.

The pages in the book were very enormous.
This was a book of my Good Deeds
and it were many pages, that I began to read.

I had difficulty reemembering all the Good I had
down for others.

I leaned more toward accepting the issues
other's had with me that they had never had a chance
to clear, mainly in my role here as House Manager
of this community.

Then, I woke up. My bowel was very loose
as it has been all weekend, even during my travels
to Tierra Miguel. I have been eating poorly,
but stressing that I have been working so very hard
giving my energy to others and the Feng Shui project
and really neglecting my own health.

It dawned on me that I needed to do somethign for myself.

I cannot say what all this means yet.
But since I had to get up and go to the bathroom.
I wanted to take time to write out this dream
for I would certainly not remember it in a few hours
of more rest.

I spent yesterday intensely writing at my computer
all day long from early morning till very late at night.
I had some incredible inspirations and I wanted
to get photos and writings on line before I lost
these ephemeral and easily fleeting thoughts.

I remember that I wanted to Blog first thing
about "Better Living through Chemistry,"
but then I had a dream of abandonment
that clouded my vision. I was very upset
that my emotions--the narrow places inside me--
blocked my inspiration.

Later I had some insights about
the Anatomy of Wholeness...and how
the narrow places are gifts.
We are here to be Bridges of Love
for each other, and Lights in the World
by helping each other through these narrow places.
We are all placed in the narrow places,
stationed in these areas where Angels
would fear to tread. We are placed here
on purpose with hands that can reach out
in both directions.

I am going to blog about that in a separate Blog.
I had intense diarrhea all day and felt unjustly
treated by my body. I did not help myself.
I was being chased by an ice cream all day,
and satisfied this desire for sweetness with
more fruit than I would normally eat.
My stomach is hurting this morning.


###

For Blogs about healing I have done with
returning to my High School 40th ReUnion,
go see:

also wrote about my hard times with my Father
that I have healed to a good extent:

http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=204






 

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