Serene state, an empty calmness today. Feel free to comment!

Date:   7/19/2016 2:03:45 PM ( 8 y ago)

This morning I remembered to check my tongue again, and it wasn't really coated at all after brushing it last night. Good or bad, am I cleansing or not? I had half a mugful of hot water with lemon in the morning, and juiced the honeydew out of which juice I consumed 300 ml for breakfast. Today I wasn't anywhere near as physically drained as yesterday, I seem to have entered some sort of a serene stage where nothing in my head works. This can be seen positive if I don't worry too much about the absent mindedness - I'm calm, my thoughts don't race, my emotions are under check and my mood is peaceful. This surely is a great change to what I've come to call normal - daily anxiety, fear, worry and displeasure toward mostly everything. I don't need to keep clearing my throat all the time, either, a symptom I've associated with occasionally consuming dairy products. Now that that's gone I feel so much more human around people.

I spent some time suntanning in the front yard, a rare pleasure here up North. Maybe some detoxing happened because I felt like my sweat smelled not too pleasant. I tried to take everything out of the short while the sun was out helping me cleanse, and got a tad sunburnt.
I made juice out of half a cabbage, it didn't amount to much, maybe 300 ml. It was a nice moment to eat it with a spoon while my boyfriend had fish soup, almost like a regular mealtime. Later I had a little bit more of cabbage juice, another 300 ml of honeydew juice, and a glass of coconut water.

My boyfriend's son arrived from a holiday trip, and the boys wanted to heat up the grill and prepare some sausages and veggies. I helped with making the food, but it did get the cravings going a bit. For a split second I found myself almost reaching for a slice of cheese, and it didn't even feel funny. I realize I've been consuming a rather small amount of liquids so far and I haven't been having enough of them today either, but I simply lack the interest to do so. I have no hunger, yet such a craving for cheese or those chorizo sausages made me mildly unhappy. Eventually a slight hunger emerged, yet I still had to nearly force my tomato juice down. Of course that was because it was tomato juice, no more of that for me, seriously. I did try to improve the experience with adding celery and a tiny bit or cilantro, but it wasn't enough of a consolation. I'm probably going to consume a glass of buck thorn juice and perhaps a cup of tea before bed, no enema today since I think every second day should be fine especially now that my boyfriend's son is around and both bathrooms are more regularly used. Maybe, if I feel the need to, I'll flush daily when I get home. I have to add my boyfriend poured me the broth the bbq veggies made - there was nothing added to them, so it was purely warm juice of tomato, celery, zucchini and onion. The amount was humble, but it was nice nevertheless. It was also a clever way of adding healthy onion juice to my diet since it's simply too harsh to juice as is - in broth, warm and cooked, it goes perfectly.

I understand my blog is probably not very interesting nor informative at this point yet I feel the need to make a record even for my own sake. Reading the old blogs day by day for daily support I find I've been releasing more negative emotions and thoughts in the past, perhaps because I've still been living a normal life going to work and all that. Also some major shifts have taken place during those fasts, such as moving homes, so it's probably no wonder I've been more emotional back then. Obviously that's not something I long for but it would surely be more fascinating to write about some visible shifts. Watching the brick grill heating up and burning the wood in flames made me experience a short but calming feeling of detachment from all around me, especially my life and my problems. It wasn't a surreal feeling, simply a very clear state where I was able to reflect upon a few personal issues I've been recently pondering. This was enjoyable.

Let it be known, though, that I'm desperately looking forward to being slimmer. Not during the fast obviously, and perhaps not too much after it during the short period of full raw vegan, but all in all. I'm just afraid of the kind of commitments I need to make in order to get to my goal and stay there. I truly hate virtually all kinds of exercise, they make me feel so uncomfortable and upset. Perhaps I could keep my diet to a good standard, but that's not all that counts in weight loss. Some sort of exercise is a necessity, which I'm willing to adopt into my weekly life in some manner, but I'm relatively sure what I'm happy with is not going to be enough to shed over 10 kilos. So that's something to think about. I've lost 3 kilos now, obviously all of it water weight which I gained in the spring due to ill-fitting hormones. I have since given them up, so there should be no self-evident reason to prevent me from losing some more.

 

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