Journey of faith

Date:   7/18/2016 10:15:37 PM ( 8 y ago)

Garden management journal Monday, July 18

Put another six hours building energy.
Quite a leap of faith . Lots of e Orion's up in afternoon once I stopped writing


Garden management journal and Sunday, July 17

I did good on Sunday at the farmers market in Richton touched a lot of people


Garden management journal events July 16

Spent the day yesterday from early morning to mid afternoon building up my energy to go to the national heirloom expo September 6,7, 8 in Santa Rosa. I stopped to get brochures at the WorldBeat Center and it made me later to arrive than I thought I wanted at the Wildwillow potluck, A wonderful community gathering held each month in San Diego

I was concerned about my ability to drive to the expo. I am having some hip discomfort but mainly it has been a difficult year of being preoccupied with other responsibilities and I'm just getting my confidence level up then I can take care of all the details necessary to build my energy up for a successful journey.

Working with all my photos from last year's event with eye opening, but clearly I knew I needed to give voice to some of my experiences at the 2015 expo and I wasn't quite doing that with my companion Who was traveling with me.

There were two very outstanding projects being introduced at the Wildwillow potluck. One was kiss the ground. I had been responsible for introducing Finian Makepeace to the national Heirloom Expo where he will teach. He recognized me from an earlier gathering this year and thanked me for the introduction.

He was given some time at the Mike explain his project. Mel, the main Cordinator of the event, also announced another significant group that wanted to have a local chapter of the national Organization ti encouraging youth to go into farming.

There were some lovely people that I friended from that group.

I would like to see Wildwillow use heirloom seeds and I have planted seeds for that dream as well as spoke to Mel about it. I went so far as to greet him when I arrived and I had one of the brochures in my hand when my companion took a photo of us together, but I didn't ask him for permission to distribute the flyers and postcards. It wasn't going to do that without asking.

I was running some other ideas in my head that Limited my Effectiveness.
It was the words I was telling myself.

It was a lovely drum circle and my main thought during most of that was how deeply I wanted to connect with someone, but I wasn't thinking about the expo.

Loneliness can be an interesting phenomena when I have it in my head. It is a limiting belief. I can sometimes feel isolated in my own head, and I feel frustrated when I cannot find a way to connect. Connection is a byproduct of my own thinking.

I did end up connecting with one young person who reached out to me a tiny bit and who had been introduced to me. She was getting a little shoulder massage when we reconnected around the time I was about to leave. She worked on me a little bit on my shoulders. I may have asked her to do that or she may have volunteered to do so.

One of my best friends was part of the drum circle and he's a leader there but it never dawned on me to say anything about the expo, I was so consumed in my own thoughts.

After I connected with the lady I knew it was time to go. My companion who I brought was cold and she wanted to leave.

My confidence started to return once I made that connection with one person.

There was another beautiful vibrant woman who I had noticed for number of hours. she was socially interacting with a small group of friends or acquaintances she knew.

Because my confidence was beginning to change I went up to her in the final moments of being there in the circle of drums and people.

She was really radiating Beauty and youth. I told her I'd been watching her and I told her I wanted to tell her how beautiful I thought she was. She told me her name. I gave her a little blessing on her life.

I knew my companion was waiting for me in the vehicle. I did not want to keep her waiting. During the whole ride home I was thinking of that first lovely lady and how we stood there holding each other's hands for a number of minutes while I asked her about yourself. She friended me on Facebook. I wanted to stay connected. We had a number of background things that seemed something we could talk about.

It's now 5:45 AM Sunday morning farmers market day, a day of the week I feel most comfortable interacting with others because I have numbers of built-up.

It just dawned on me, as I woke up that it wasn't even in my consciousness at the event to distribute fliers I had about the expo. I was consumed by my limited beliefs and yearnings to connect and not knowing how to do that.

How very curious. I am a ceremonialist, and the conditions there with everyone doing their own thing around the fire and some starting to play drums certainly was an opportunity to pull the group together, especially considering the need for healing now and group connection.

I'm thinking now how appropriate it would have been to circle up and reflect on the need for healing the world needs now and how we could each give a little bit of ourselves tour that healing in this moment.

It was clear my intentions were not clear enough. I've been spending so much time alone and feeling overwhelmed by events in my personal life and my events in the world that we are all sharing.

Ceremonialists pull groups together however I need to know that my desire to pull a group together is welcomed by the leadership. I did not have permission because for the most part I did not ask for it or communicate that I wanted to do something.

Today's a new day. I'm going to do better and have a clear intention for the farmers market.

I'm reworking the words on my own signage in my head. People need to know about that national heirloom expo and many of them would want to know about it.

I'm not going to withhold myself today. I'm not gonna come from a place of limited beliefs.

I'll keep you posted on how I do.

Here's one of the pictures from a very lovely lady who wants to organize a coalition of you going into farming in San Diego in the comments.

Please explore the website of the national heirloom expo turs-wed-thurs Sept 6,7,8 in Santa Rosas at the Sonoma Fairgrounds http://theheirloomexpo.com

FYI
Matthew Love
Laurel Greyson
Roxane Schwabe
Adrienne Prince

 

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