Easing into the fast and slowly realizing what I'm getting myself into again. Feel free to comment!

Date:   7/14/2016 12:09:48 PM ( 8 y ago)

Hello all.

I have just finished reading my four past fasting blogs here. It's been such a long time, and in all honesty I feel so stupid. It seems like back then I had nothing to complain about - I was happy, I had a social life, my weight was just fine and I was interested in things. Today absolutely all of that has been turned to the complete opposite. I'm deeply depressed and sleep mostly all of my days not being able to do much, not that I'm even willing to. I have virtually no social contacts apart from the man I'm dating, and I have absolutely no interest in obtaining any. I've just crossed the BMI line to the obese side, and I've felt for years now that there's not much left for me in life. What a state to be in! :(

I'm not going to go too much into detail at this point, but practically what I first assumed was that perhaps all this fasting hadn't been a good idea after all, and that I had developed hypothyroidism. I was actually on medication for it for a year, but despite increasing the dosage a couple of times no improvement in my condition could be seen. Since exhaustive thyroid testing is no longer available in Finland (one needs to take and send samples themselves to the US and pay a hefty amount of money to get analyzed) that lead needed to be abandoned.

The next assumption was that somehow I was now plagued with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. However the illness is not officially recognized in this bloody country where every ailment is simply weakness of character and needs to be whipped out by being even more harsh to oneself, so there is absolutely not a single kind of treatment available here for CFS, not even a diagnostic code to be put on my papers. Also nobody has been able to confirm whether that's what I'm actually suffering from, for years "I was just lazy with a bad attitude". However this year I have found a lovely therapist and also received some actual help in planning simple rehabilitative action for my days, even if a bit pointless in content. So I'm fighting, yet, and hopefully on the right way towards figuring out what on earth happened to me in 2011 and how I can get out of it.

So healthwise I've been at a dead end for a while. My life has been miserable for almost all this time that has passed since my last fast, and nothing - absolutely nothing - has helped me feel better, stay awake, and find interest in things. I'm actually just finding right now, typing this, that I'm not even able to properly describe the bottomless hole I've fallen into - what it actually is that I'm suffering from, what it's like, how it affects me. It's been several years that I've been looking for professional help, and almost as many years have passed since I actually had a job. So being so sick and so poor I really have no other idea left than perhaps my gradually adopting worse eating habits has made my body crash. I seriously have nothing else, that's my last call. So here I am, preparing for yet another juice fast, just to see whether it'll change this state somehow. After that I hope to maintain a more than 50% raw vegan diet rather strictly cutting out all dairy and wheat. If this won't make any difference in my overall "illbeing", then nothing will, that's one thing I feel is true.

So that was the grueling part of this intro, I hope. All hope is still alive, all great possibilities ahead. I am 31 going on 32, 160cm and 71kg. From what my measurements were after two months of 100% raw vegan diet in 2011 my bust has gained 12cm (unfortunately it's not really my bust that has grown but rather my back), my waist is 8cm wider and I have an extra 9cm on my hips. My weight should decrease 10 to 15 kilos. I am confident I can shed this extra and it's not really my intention to see it go during this current fast, a little slower and steadier is just fine as long as changes are seen. I would love to see an increase in energy both physically and mentally, that would truly mean that things are improving. Other than that I'll just go with the flow for now, we'll see how long this will feel right. I haven't thought of any day count for now - perhaps five days would be something I should at least do, and two weeks the maximum while I won't in any way push myself there. Hope someone finds this informative!

Now about my preparation period - previously, as I read from my earlier blogs, I had tried to take aside about seven days to ease into the fast with soups, juices and other easily digested foods. This time due to certain restrictions in my life I haven't had much more than two days to do the same. What I think makes a difference here is that previously I've had trouble remembering being on this preparation week and gone for unsuitable foods "by accident". Now these two days have been very controlled with diluted vegetable soups, teas and juices, and today I had my first enema of the cleanse. In this regard I believe I might be sufficiently if not even better prepared than before (although I could still do quite a lot better to avoid cravings and side effects). This will have to do for now. So tomorrow is the first day of the actual fast, and I am already experiencing cleanse-like symptoms: hunger, headache, nausea and sluggishness. I think they are due to the enema somehow, and today's battle plan is simply to relax and watch movies. I've been having diluted veggie soup every three hours, and some orange-buckthorn juice when feeling thirsty. The amount of water used in the flush will supposedly increase since I've been able to do more previously, today it was about 2,75 liters. Note for self: not so soon after consuming a meal. Also using water that's slightly cooler than body temperature is best for me to avoid uncontrollable sweating.


Last but not least my shopping receipt shows what I got to kick off the cleanse:
- Blackcurrant juice, cold pressed (to be mixed into the veggie juices to make this a little bit more affordable for my jobless ass)
- Buckthorn juice, cold pressed
- Cranberry juice, cold pressed
- Tomatoes, 2,5kg
- Cucumbers, 2nd grade, 2,9kg
- Apples, 2,5kg
- A little chunk of ginger
All this amounted around €30.

Until tomorrow...

 

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