Not sure I can ...ashamed to say

Date:   4/18/2016 11:49:53 AM ( 8 y ago)

I have a friend who believes I can make it through what I am going through. I am concerned for my well being now. Can I do this?

This is part of a poem "Song for the Homeless" that I read in the opening ceremony with TIm Redbird and Native American Dancers at the Multi-Cultural Earth Day April 17 at the World Beat Center.


The theme of Earthquake is verjy active in my life now.

I am the crack in your foundation.
I'm the crack that can come up from underneath and break your house in two.

I am the crack.
Elevate me to righteous status.
Make holy ground where I am.
Be something beautiful in the crack.
Plan something beautiful that will grow in the crack.

Make a holy sound in the crack.
Make a holy sound to the crack.

Dance in the crack.
Dance the crack and I disappear.

May the crack crack wide open.
May the crack disappear.
May the last crack on earth disappear.

May I be the last crack on earth.

--
I read this with about 50 drummers in the first San Diego earth fare years ago.

2:58 pm
April 18,2016

Dark Night at this end. A friend came to sit with me.

I am feeling severely challenged.

Good to be with someone who remembers me as the enchanted gardener.
I was at 20% at most april 17.



THANKS FOR FACEBOOK COMMENT
FRIM JACCIE

You are so awesome, Leslie! This was the best part of my day! And ironically I was wearing a shirt that says "Do all things with love" 😊❤🌎🌱

3:35 pm
Still in as space of giving up.


DALYA CALL

We were silent together
Foundation loss comes up in the silence.

No peace here.


ANDY CALLED


Green fest ?
just looking...



PULLING A FEW NOTEBOOKS
4:58 pm

"If you watch the growth of this seed..
you will find that there is an indestructible
and mysterious power in it--the power of life.
If you watch long enough,
you will see that the grain
disappears and is replaced
by a plant which will triumph over all obstacles
and opposition--
which will grow higher and higher because
it has life within it."

Edmond Bordeaux Szekely
co-f08jder 0f Rancho La Puerta



POSITIVE THOUGHTS

4:38 am
April 19, 2016

Woke up with positive thoughts.
Yesterday had no energy to confront the challenges.

Clearly I am in an earthquake as is the world.

Itt's a time to plot out the future of the house.
I can't live under this kind of duress.

HOUSE

Enchanted Garden intention

MEMBERS

Active and inactive memberd

Looked over old notebook.

Ask if ok to put names in web?

Links where they join.

RENEWED INTEREST IN NVC

jeff Brown
Tera Gardener contact her. To talk to W
Style: more like Marshall Rosenberg than...
Protect through escalation.

DELEGATION OF AUTHORITY REGSRDING TAKING THE LEGAL ROUTE

I delegated. I did not know the consequences.
Andrea. & paul contact
Cost

I did not know the consequences...

Who votes!

Sanda. One vote to who advisors..,

DEBRIEFING FOR WBC EARTH DAY

START LETTING GO OF PAPERS

new renters?

A?
N & D...?
Sara?


Start interviewing now

POLITICAL

No MIRE VITER SUPPRESSION
Ends with new york


GO TO EARTH DAT

VEG POTLUCK HERE

Report on attorney's

DATA that functions better
Apple

Clearing with..

Those on my team

Advisors

Clean clear stuff
!!!!!!


No more voter suppression
More than two party system


ENERGY DROP

6:19 am

His running down stairs to leave took my energy.


Left message for Andres.



WRITING TO A CLOSE RELATIVE

6;00 am-7 am

I am fighting as hard as possible to stay alive. What is on my plate is shaking me deeply.

I delegated attempting to remove a difficult person and the person I delegated to got me all wrapped up in having attorneys and expenses.

I had no idea that entering this approach was going to require I get an attorney when I started.

I borrowed money I did not have.

The person who needs to leave is a fighter.

I started by wanting to write to him a note something like this, but I was advised by my delegator that this was not good to do. I did not want to go against his advice because he put so much work into this.

"I wish you no harm. I simply want to encourage you to move with the least amount of stress to you and others.

I am concerned that the eviction process--and the restraining order process--will be a mark on your credit and ability to rent another place, I will dismiss the case if you move out of here by
May 30 or sooner.

We need you to acknowledge this agreement by signing. in order to avoid the need to go to court by Tuesday."


I ENDED UP NOT GIVING THIS NOTE

I ended up not giving this note.
The day before I was scheduled to go to court, April 12, there was extreme pressure to get an attorney. I was sick all day with a headache. I went ahead and gave a large amount of money for me to the attorney.


THE OBJECT WAS TO GET HIM TO LEAVE

Two legal proceedings were initiated.
One for for a restraining order. The idea was that there could be a a lockout. We went to legal aid three times to get support for the two processes.

The second was for an eviction.


THE DAY AFTER I GOT THE FIRST ATTORNEY I FELT PRESSURED TO GET ANOTHER ATTORNEY TO HANDLE THE EVICTION

This one was less expensive.

The strategy was to write an agreement, that he would move out by May 30, but he has not been in touch with that attorney.


NO MORE INVOLVEMENT FROM THE PERSON WHO
GUIDED ME TO GET THE ATTORNEYS

I delegated to the one Housemate who guided me through the initial process. He put a tremendous amount of work into it. Then, he backed out of helping to tend to his own life.


KEEPING ALIVE

8:00 am

CALL CUTTY


I need to stay alive.


DATA IMPROVEMENT



















THE RESTRAINING ORDER STRATEGY

The original idea was that a restraining order would be granted on grounds of Elder Abuse against me. We submitted our papers to the judge and the judge did not want to do the lockout as we wanted.

The case was considered weak. We were giving a temporary restraining order until April 12. Then on April 11, I felt pressured to get an attorney to handle this restraining order.

The attorney came to court the next day, April 12.
It is difficult for me to recall the original strategy now.
it had something to do with dropping the case if he moved out by May 2, two months after we first gave the 60 day notice.

The hearing was continued to May 4 to give the attorney more time to prepare.


I thought this would get me out of the trauma. The strategy was put some leverage into place by saying that if he moved out by such a date, we would drop the case.

The person who I want to move W is a fighter, and this was encouraging him to get his own attorney.

I do not like not being able to talk to him.

The attorney who handles the restraining order.


AS PF APRIL 19 I AM CONCERNED THAT I AM BEING
DRAGGED INTO DEEPER AND DEEPER LEGAL EXPENSES
AND DISTRACTION.





LOSS OF LIFE


This whole approach is distracting me from my work.


DEBRIEFING

DATA



1:18 pm

I sense he has a lawyer now.
I will be held responsible for everything he believes to be true.
He is a fighter.

What is being asked of me, Spiritually?






















 

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