Fasting, as in everything, can be a means of keeping us caught up in more illusions (preoccupations) or open us up to truths and revelations. It's a journey of both for me this past month as you notice in my blog of what seems to be vacillations of madness.

Date:   5/6/2015 11:44:06 AM ( 9 y ago)

The more I fast, the more I am made aware of the madness that goes on in the mind. It's like the dog chasing it's tail. The dog is running like crazy in circles and sometimes frustrated and angry at it's inability to catch the offender (an illusion of course). When listening to my ego, I recognize I move from one frantic goal to the next thinking there I will find peace and joy with every single attempt I take. If I just solve this problem or fix this then all will be right. Yep been chasing my tail for a while now. The illusion that gives me a brief moment of satisfaction and yet never truly giving me what I deeply want.
All my goals which are really forms of self-preoccupation, keep me too busy and disconnected from God and everyone else. Separated and alone is what the ego would like me to believe.

I mentioned about the weekend and inner conflict I was experiencing. Well, yesterday I was brought to Lesson 98 in ACIM it resonated loudly. It really hit the nail on the head. The inner conflict I have. I have been vacillating between illusion and truth. So then what do I need to do? This lesson I share as I am doing a second day praying and practicing with deeper conviction. I skipped #4,#5 but if you are interested on reading it fully here is the link:

http://acim.org/Lessons/lesson.html?lesson=98

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Lesson 98
"I will accept my part in God's plan for salvation"

1. Today is a day of special dedication. We take a stand on but one side today. We side with truth and let illusions go. We will not vacillate between the two, but take a firm position with the One. We dedicate ourselves to truth today, and to salvation as God planned it be. We will not argue it is something else. We will not seek for it where it is not. In gladness we accept it as it is, and take the part assigned to us by God.

2. How happy to be certain! All our doubts we lay aside today, and take our stand with certainty of purpose, and with thanks that doubt is gone and surety has come. We have a mighty purpose to fulfill, and have been given everything we need with which to reach the goal. Not one mistake stands in our way. For we have been absolved from errors. All our sins are washed away by realizing they were but mistakes.

3. The guiltless have no fear, for they are safe and recognize their safety. They do not appeal to magic, nor invent escapes from fancied threats without reality. They rest in quiet certainty that they will do what it is given them to do. They do not doubt their own ability because they know their function will be filled completely in the perfect time and place. They took the stand to which we will take today, that we may share their certainty and thus increase it by accepting it ourselves...

...
6. Here is an offer guaranteeing you your full release from pain of every kind, and joy the world does not contain. You can exchange a little of your time for peace of mind and certainty of purpose, with the promise of complete success. And since time has no meaning, you are being asked for nothing in return for everything. Here is a bargain you cannot lose. And what you gain is limitless indeed!
7. Each hour today give Him your tiny gift of but five minutes. He will give the words you use in practicing today's idea the deep conviction and the certainty you lack. His words will join with yours, and make each repetition of today's idea a total dedication, made in faith as perfect and as sure as His in you. His confidence in you will bring the light to all the words you say, and you will go beyond their sound to what they really mean. Today you practice with Him, as you say:

"I will accept my part in God's plan for salvation"

8. IN each five minutes that you spend with Him, He will accept your words and give them back to you all bright with faith and confidence so strong and steady they will light the world with hope and gladness. Do not lose one chance to be the glad receiver of His gifts, that you may give them to the world today.

9. Give Him the words and He will do the rest. He will enable you to understand your special function. He will open up the way to happiness, and peace and trust will be His gifts; His answer to your words. He will respond with all His faith and joy and certainty that what you say is true. And you will have conviction then of Him Who knows the function you have on earth as well as Heaven. He will be with you each practice period you share with Him, exchanging every instant of the time you offer Him for timelessness and peace.

10. Throughout the hour, let your time be spent in happy preparation for the next five minutes you will spend again with Him. Repeat today's idea while you wait for the glad time to come to you again. Repeat it often, and do not forget each time you do so, you have let your mind be readied for the happy time to come.

11. And when the the hour goes and He is there once more to spend a little time with you, be thankful and lay down all earthly tasks, all little thoughts and limited ideas, and spend a happy time again with Him. Tell Him once more that you accept the part that He would have you take and help you fill, and He will make you sure you want this choice, which He has made with you and you with Him. "

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One thing to add..

I've been a student of ACIM for over 3 years. The first time I read that lesson and said those words, I recall saying it with hesitation, doubt, and fear. I've always associated God's plan to be something to fear. The same as how we view our earthly parents. Case in example, I finished the movie Noah with Russel Crow last night. My gosh it becomes so crazy obvious we have been taught to fear God. That we equate what God wants us to do with suffering. If I choose to follow God it will be hard and full of sacrifices but that would be better that than the hell that heathens will experience. Hmmm those really don't see like very good choices---a life of hardship and suffering or eternal damnation.

Even as a child that made absolutely no sense to me that God is a truly loving God and yet we must fear his wrath and judgment. That understanding was always strange for me. But I accepted it because I was supposed to. However, as I have gone through my own spiritual journey I was able to lovingly let go of that belief. Well, at least that is my understanding and very much at peace with it. I do not judge others who would disagree. I respect each and everyone's journey.

Anyway, it feels good to recognize after 3 years I've released a good amount of doubts and fears I have of God. For the longest time I was waiting for him to send a lightning bolt down and obliterate me. Now, I feel I am trusting Him more and really believing that He wants nothing less than Total Happiness for ALL his "Sons" and not just for some. And how could I not want the same? Joy and peace in its totality.


 

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