I'm actually at about at 73 hours. I'm amazed and feeling so grateful to have made it this far. Thank you God for all the support He has given me.

Date:   4/24/2015 1:19:40 AM ( 9 y ago)

11:20pm
73 hours!
I actually feel pretty darn good except for my back pain. i thought it was just the lower part but after rubbing some arnica/oils I felt the ache from middle of my back all the way down. Maybe it's because I've been up on my feet for many hours straight or it could be a detox/healing thing. Maybe the kidneys are strained from DF. I NEED A MASSAGE NOW but it will have to wait. I have an appt tomorrow with my chiro at 11am and a massage after.

2am
My back feels better but what the heck I'm wide awake. I have been trying to go back to sleep for 20 minutes. I guess I'll try reading.

8:30am
I was able to get back to sleep. I skipped the reading and just decided to lay down in child's pose to help with my back discomfort. I forgot to mention I had been experiencing some leg cramping and hunger pangs quite often. Nothing major but when you have that fasting insomnia even mild disturbances can get in the way of sleeping soundly. My quads are where I feel it the most. I'm sure it was the run on the treadmill and being up on my legs much of the day except when driving. Well, I woke up around 6:15am and felt pretty crappy. Usually I feel so awake mentally that the body easily follows with energy. But this morning I felt like I had a hangover without the headache. Physically drained.

I am feeling the need to go into more detail about the daily minutia of my life. So feel free to just skip this stuff and go to the next update. I think I was so stressed yesterday trying to fit everything into my schedule. I didn't plan too much it just unexpected delays made things a mess. I think God is bringing to the surface something I need to deal with. My schedule revolves around my children's school drop offs, pick ups (changes depending on what day for each of them), and their appointments/extra curricular activities. So everything else I need to do has to somehow fall neatly be in between. The only thing I had to do yesterday was to return an item, and buy art/sewing stuff at Walmart and go to Costco. I had everything planned with plenty of time to spare. On my way to Costco at 2:20 I called in and ordered 2 whole combo pizzas. They said well it will take 40 minutes. That was the longest I had ever had to wait for a call in order but I thought that should be about the time when I finish shopping. I got done 2:57 and got there to pick it up and 2 ladies were already waiting. Apparently one ordered hers from regular food court line 20 minutes before and the other called in from inside the store 30 minutes before. I tell the server I'm there to pick up my order I called in 40+ minutes before since it was about 3:05 when she spoke to me. My 5 year old daughter has been sitting in that Costco cart since the store 40 minutes already. Waiting and waiting the other 2 ladies get each of their pizza. I tell the server at 3:10 that I need to pick up my kids. Lady reassures me their cooking it now. WHAT!? Really? What is the point in calling it in (nearly an hour ago now) for fast food. Gosh if it wasn't for needing to pick up my kids I would be totally cool. For that particular day my kids were ready to be picked up at 3:15. I'm not there within 10 minutes the office is already calling me. It's a 15-20 minute drive from Costco depending on traffic. I'm thinking this is DMV dejavu from yesterday. I missed picking up my kids because it took 3 hours at the DMV and I had to call my husband to get out of work and pick up my kids. This snafu has happened 2 days in a row. What was God trying to teach me. Obviously patience but there's gotta be more to it than that. I knew I wasn't going to repeat the way I reacted with my experience yesterday. I just kept praying and asking God to remove my fears and have faith remembering to trust Him as I don't see the big picture that He does. 3:20 the lady says to me you ordered 2 combo pizzas? Is it okay if we give you 1 combo and 1 pepperoni? Hmmm really? Not only had I waited over an hour they couldn't give me my order correctly. What the heck? Would you believe it started to rain. Food court at that Costco is outdoors. My daughter got wet and so did the groceries. Siiigh. So the lady hands me the pizzas and I say to her you know I missed the pick up time to get my kids at school. Her answer was they were short staffed. Feeling frustrated I just took off and loaded my stuff in the vehicle. I started to get anxious about traffic now with the rains and all. I was definitely stressed and in fight or flight mode. What is God trying to tell me besides the obvious forgiveness and faith in Him? I know there's a full AHA moment/revelation waiting for me. So I'm hoping my quiet today will bring me that. My prayers/intention will be focused on that.

I am less than an hour away from being at the 84 hour mark for dry fasting. I had deeply contemplated stopping at 80hr since I started to have more persistent hunger urges since I went to bed last night. I was thinking maybe that might be the sign. I did my coffee enema this morning. Now besides just fatigue and mental fog everything else seems just fine (lol you'd think that would be enough reason for any sane person to quit).

I am at 131.2 lbs and 26-7% body fat. Ohhh and I haven't mentioned it but my ketone levels have been over 160mg/dL the last 2 days already. I don't check anymore because I'm at the max level and I don't expect there to be any changes since I'm dry fasting. I'm off to have an epsom salt bath, go to the gym just to warm and loosen up for chiro appt and massage right after.

2:25pm
Where the heck did this day go? I guess the good thing about being busy is there's not much time to think about fasting and what your body is feeling. The only down time I had was the chiro and massage. Chiro adjustment for back wasn't pretty on the left side deep cracking sounds and the right was one good pop. Neck not clean sounds but more like single pops on both sides. Massage was pretty relaxing and helped get things flowing.

I believe I'm at 88 hours of dry fasting now. At this rate I'm feeling okay to hopefully make it to 96 and complete Day 4. Wow that's crazy but sooooo cool. Ohhh had my AHA moment waiting on the chiro table and I'll share that later tonight when I wind down from this day. TGIF!!!

6pm
I went to the gym and did dry then wet sauna. I got on the treadmill but it was a bit challenging. I started to get thirsty and mouth felt so dry. My heavy breathing made my mouth even drier. I didn't have the energy and strength as I had the previous days. During my running intervals I did 5.5 and 6.0. I felt winded after the first minute. I did most of the 20 minutes on the treadmill brisk walking (3.4). I also started to feel my biceps cramping. I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary and have not worked out my arms. I just know if I'm feeling a cramp there then maybe my electrolytes/minerals maybe getting depleted or out of balance. That was another sign for me I needed to stop and go home.

I made a mexican/vietnamese fusion meal for dinner. I did these chicken taquitos but wrapped it with lettuce and made a vietnamese fish sauce. It was a hit. Wahoo.

After making dinner my back started to hurt. the level of pain was not excruciating but enough to affect my ability to function. I knew I had to lay down and take the pressure off. While making dinner I was feeling very strong hunger pangs.
I thought completing day 4 at 10pm would be relatively easy but how quickly things can turn. I know usually this far into the dry fast they always say rest rest rest and take it easy. That's not always possible being a mom of 4. I have definitely over extended myself these last 2 days. Four hours away from completing day 4. Napping is the best way to deal with challenging moments so I will attempt to do that now.

10pm
I got an hour nap in. That helped me get out of my spiraling thinking of this is too hard and I can't make it attitude. I knew I was so close but negative sabotaging thoughts were starting to get momentum. My doubt was leading me to give up my power and accept weakness instead. I remembered what I learned from other fast that when I start getting close to my goal I get thoughts of feeling deprived and being preoccupied with the belief it is too hard. I then switch my mind thinking like this is day 1. Honestly it may sound too simple as a strategy but it is so effective for me. It really helps me switch my attitude. In an instant, I am able to neutralize my self-defeating thoughts. I realize I am creating the conflict and difficulty within myself. If you think how that applies in something as minor as this, well think about how that applies to everything else.

As mentioned before my forever goal has been to get down to low to mid 120s. That would be the ultimate. I am so close. I know I have the determination and discipline. I have already dropped 17 pounds since 3/30/15. What the heck is another 5 pounds at this point. Seriously I find myself sabotaging this journey. Almost like a part of me believes that I don't deserve to get to that goal. Like I seem to get close but can never actually make it. An elusive goal. Despite how far I've come along, at the end of this journey the predominating thought and feelings I'll be left with is that I failed. My mind will focus on how I missed the mark rather than see what an amazing journey this has been. So much healing physically/emotionally/spiritually. In this moment, I see the workings of my ego. My preoccupation with a future goal keeps me from enjoying this present moment. You know I was on the treadmill earlier today thinking of how close I am to that ultimate goal. So close I can taste it. Then I heard a voice saying, wait a minute. I have come so damn far. I would've have been ecstatic a month ago to be right where I am at this moment. 17 pounds lighter and about 10% less body fat. I should be celebrating but I wasn't appreciating this moment. It's amazing to have these moments of clarity. The satisfaction or joy we obtain via the body seems so elusive or at least fleeting.

Looking back at my healing journey I am able to connect the dots seeing more clearly the inner workings of my ego. In this moment I recognize I have officially completed Day 4 (96 hours). Normally my mind will quickly focus on my next goal (taking me out of being present). Well, being aware of this now I will choose to enjoy this moment and celebrate. There truly is much to be joyful about.

I'm off to go spend some quality time with my kids before they go to bed.




 

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