Learning more things about myself This is the last day of a 4 day break from first round of fasting. I begin the next round tomorrow.

Date:   4/12/2015 11:56:11 AM ( 9 y ago)

I didn't have a single chance to post yesterday as it was an all day even at my mother's starting at a Chinese restaurant. I really wanted to be more controlled with myself but I believe being anxious and future focused for days set things up. I was agitated that morning trying to get myself and my family ready and be on time. Tensions got pretty high. I wanted to just have maybe some jasmine tea and broth of the won ton soup but I ended up eating a bit of everything. I seemed to had just gone on auto pilot in my head. Ugh my stomach. Honestly I didn't eat a lot but I've forgotten how much my stomach has shrank. After the meal I went to lay down on the sofa in the restaurant (it was in a secluded area which I had all to myself). Went to my mom's house and had a small piece of cake with a small scoop of ice cream.

In hindsight, I see how my mind built up this whole experience to be bigger than what it had to be. I gave power to my fears and projected this experience. I basically predicted I would fail the test rationalizing it would be impossible to overcome the obstacle. It's just too hard. Instead of focusing on every reason to succeed I focused on all the reasons to fail. First, I created in my mind that it was an obstacle. I attached that value to it. I created the conflict. Experience is neutral. Food is neutral. I alone create its meaning. The power is in my mind and I gave it up and accepted my powerlessness instead. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. Well, I believe I relied on my ego self instead of my Spirit Self for strength and clarity. Again taking from Day 10 post about breaking my fast, I don't see this experience as "failure" per se. It was another AHA moment. I feel it's really helped prep me for my next round of fasting.

On a positive note!!! Which is what I want to focus on. My Aunt visited me 2 days ago and was so excited about seeing how great I looked that she got pumped to try the water fast. A bit of background with her. She turns 60 in a few months (is a physical therapist). She had just undergone double knee replacement about 4 months ago. She is on disability and rehabbing still. She was the one who got me into the Master Cleanse. So when she left here Friday she found out all the minerals and other stuff I was taking. She bought all of them and the 2 books I recommended. Today she started the waterfast! She wants to go 20-30days but will decide when she hits Day 10. Woooww this is her first attempt and she is wanting to go that far already. She got the links to the fasting boards here. Fast forward to Sunday. She stuck out day 1! She stopped all her meds and had a headache but made it through. She still wants to go on. Wooowww.

So I'm not sure how to number my days again. I had read somewhere that if you are going on your next fast within 10 days from your last that it's still considered one fast. I mean that does make sense. So let's see. Round 2- day 1 (from round 1 - Day14) After tomorrows post I will drop the counting from round 1 just because it's a hassle but I just wanted to include it for tomorrow to help with my own documentation.


 

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