Things just got more intense

Date:   1/14/2015 10:33:49 AM ( 9 y ago)

Things just got more intense

8:03 AM Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I'm having difficulty finding the willingness to put in words the shock I am feeling this morning.

I had some moments of respite yesterday that gave me some hope I could naturally address my kidney stones rather than pursue the scheduled surgery now in place for January 21.

I went to attend a cooking class at Gold Mine natural foods. Old friend Jean spent some time with me that was uplifting. She told me about employee who she had guided to eliminate a kidney stone through some natural remedies.

I got excited to try them.

Nadine was with me. When we went to Vons and bought some of the ingredients.

Then coming home after a few hours it began to dawn on me the incredible bind I was in.

I'm supposed to reconnect with Karen the nurse who works for the kidney surgery on Friday.

Oh dear God and friends –

I am in a severe predicament

It is clear now I have a difficult vacancy to fulfill at the house at the same time I need to focus most of my remaining vitality on either self-healing or making the decision to do this surgery.

If I postpone the surgery on Friday, i'm leaving myself open to a potential emergency that could occur by delaying the surgery.

The stress around attempting to fill the vacancy is enough to distract me from my healing focus.

This vacancy now is making me feel I cannot avoid the surgery.

In the past vacancies like this have caused me intense stress and kidney stress.

I know I could express what I just said more clearly.

It feels like a catch 22.

I'm not sure I'm a good candidate to do the surgery now.

This is a very invasive surgery involving a tube placed in my back to take out the kidney stone. I'm not sure the surgeon understands that uniqueness of my body and my arthritis and how my physical health including the persistent diarrhea could interfere with my recovery.

The stress of looking at this catch 22 and making a decision now to go forward with the surgery or the spelling is creating shock.

II was feeling paralyzed to take action, even to drink necessary water that would help me. I'm supposed to drink continuous water now.

I feel a little better through writing now.

There's a potential mass of difficult interactions that will face me this morning.

God bless us all.

8:32 AM Wednesday




 

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