Attack of the Bitch Self Mutilation! by ren .....

a smattering of what happens when you absorb bitchiness, bitchass and male bitch attitudes and lies! I'm just getting warmed up!

Date:   9/18/2014 9:22:12 PM ( 8 y ago)

Today I had an experience where I dwelled on past boy crushes and started berating myself by looking up what happened to these boy crushes in my freshman year of high school. I took all what had been done to me in the years before attending freshman year of highschool and used it as a sword against my own heart and mind and spirit.

I wounded myself over and over remembering how I was told I wasn't a worthy as a girlfriend because I wasn't blonde and blondes were the best. This was quite a contrast to constantly being bullied in grade school for being mixed race with my long hair and light skin and coming from a West Indian house with West Indian food. This person went on to become a doctor because that is what was expected of Indian children and is now married (to a brunette) working at Mass General. I also looked up girls I knew from this private upper crust prep school and, of course, all successful. Here I am...a nurse as a female doctor so snidely said to me in 1988...well if you can't make it as a doctor you can always be a nurse. I was fifteen then and my sexual abuse and bullying from grade school had stopped.

More ATTACK OF THE BITCH SELF MUTILATION tales coming...The cure? A 45 min sauna and mud treatment to breathe through these memories.


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