Full moon dreams – why so emotional?

6:09 AM May 15

Just woke up not too long ago. I had a couple intense dreams dealing with loss. I am lying here in bed after daylight, attempting to regain composure and asking myself some questions about "Why so Emotional all the time now and what to do about this?"

The first dream was very involved with relationships. I ended up finally letting go of different relationships to get back to the one that I wanted.

When I finally went to see her, the one I wanted after I let go of the others. I was so happy. When I got close I realized it wasn't her sleeping. It was just a few things she left behind. I was shocked and very upset. The dream reminded me how codependent I am.

Then I had another dream. It had to do with a revolving rotation. There were about six intricate parts to it kind of like a volleyball game. Sometimes I had what I wanted in my possession and sometimes I did not

I was so upset when I did not have what I wanted in my possession. I was spending a lot of time attempting to figure out how the rotation worked, and reassure myself that I would continually have what I wanted when my time came up.

I woke up really emotional and exhausted from these dreams, Spending so much emotional energy in my dreams brings up the question why am I so emotional now?

The state of intensity has been going on so long this year, month after month. I have been so shocked repeatedly that I can hardly remember the beginning of this.

Much of the intensity seems to have been inspired by events at the house, living with others. I am manager here. Other emotional seems to have developed from my general state of health that has included a number of months of chest congestion and lowered immune system.

In the last ten days, my kidneys in the low back have been uncomfortable. I can see clearly that this came upon me during an intense episode with a man who looked like he wanted to move in, gave a check, and then backed out.
I felt an immediate shock in my kidneys when he told me not to cash the check.

I have been attempting for months now to get back to my life the way it has been. i have been very upset because the routine I had for many years is no longer working. I would get up with some kind of inspiration and then spend the morning blogging.

For the past five weeks or more, I wake up at dawn and have problems to look at, some that seem insurmountable. There are just so many of them.

I have thought of many solutions including working hard to fill a vacancy here. Having some meeting with particular housemates, and listening to why other housemates were pointing out a need for a shift.

I have felt stuck making the shifts that seemed needed.

The stress levels have continued to go over the top emotionally.

It is clear that in the new cycle of living, my approach to problem solving may no long be working.

One of my main counselors has been pointing out that the resolution of my problem is accepting that I have an "inside job" here. I need to reinvent my spiritual practices.

Dr. Judith Larkin Reno, my friend has a series of books. One is about Reinventing The God Relationship.

I may need to reinvent my relationship to God.

I need to rediscover my spiritual practices that work. I need to find ways to be positive and spite of constant stress.

I have to find meaning in doing smaller things, and perhaps accept that my body, at 66, is just not what it was, years ago. This has been difficult to accept.

I AM TIRED OF BEING SO EMOTIONAL CONSTANTLY

I am tired of being so emotionally constantly.

Things are so upsetting I'm going to have to shift me inside me.

I need to find meaning in clearing the clutter in my room.

It seems I have inherited this especially since the passing of my father. Seems I have inherited this intensity especially since the passing of my father in February

Rest Leslie rest stop demanding so much.

Got to go take the EG Mobile in for some carb work.

6:10 AM May 15, 2014

8:29 am

I spoke this first into my Iphone. Then I went back over it on the iMac.


TALKING TO A MAN WHO WAS PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN

I had a conversation yesterday with a man in the next handicap stall who told me he was paralyzed from the neck down for 44 years. I asked him if he could share any wisdom with me. He said he was grateful for what he had.
I am sorry I did not stop to ask his name or how to stay in touch. I hope I see him again. He was shopping at the OB Food Store.

 

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