Comfort in thought of not going home

Date:   5/4/2014 9:29:40 AM ( 10 y ago)

Comfort in thought of not going home


Taking comfort in the thought of lying here on Mayah 's couch in the sheet under me in a blanket over me.

If I got up now should be at the FM in a few hours. I could be home in a few hours too. It feels too early to go to the FM. I called Nadine and asked her to bring the white box with ice packs to the FM. Then I called her back and said never mind, leave the box home. The white box is used to collect our vegetables. I have to go home first to get it before going to the FM.

No desire to go home. And then I am in a in between moments like in a story dr Jensen described. There was a bear chasing him. He went down on a rope off a cliff. Down below crocodiles. In front of him in the moment inside the crevice was a ripe strawberry. The Berry seemed so beautiful.

It's too unpleasant to contend with home now. It's too unpleasant to think about what's calling me from the past to be dealt with at home. It's too unpleasant to create a list of all the things calling me to be done for the future, even tomorrow. It's much more pleasant to hear the birds here one hundred miles from home. My kidneys are not hurting me in this moment. I feel no pressure in my low back. The pressure came in after a shocking experience the other day in my latest housemate search episode.

The kidney pain in my lower back has been concerning me for numbers of days. It's not the regular low back kidney pain. It's the kind of pain that feels like kidney stones and potential procedures. And needing to get referrals. I don't want to go there.

Ah breathe. Mayah is still sleeping. I'm coming closer to the comfort zone of releasing possessions at home coming closer to the comfort of not knowing what the future will bring me. One step at a time. Don't think too much.

Be quiet, sweet man. Feel the comfort.


May 4 not sure what time it is sometime between seven and eight






 

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