Day 10, Day 11, Day 12, Day 13. ...and on it goes.

Date:   3/17/2014 1:31:39 PM ( 10 y ago)

So on Friday - my Day 10th began with me failing my test (Ultimate UGH!! so upset), kid sick, and the dreaded buffet. On our arrival, I let my boss know that I wasn't feeling so good - ate some broth... co-workers raised eyebrows & couldn't believe i was eating a second bowl of soup...then save by the call from school to pick up my sick child from school. PURFECT! Then went home and Binged! YUP - just like that! I am writing it - i lived it and still can't believe it. The weekend was just a repeat of the demise of day 10. I am upset. It feels like a truck that hit me &came without warning. Never saw it coming.
I question - Are we meant to really fast for that long period of time? Or maybe someone like me with my past history is not meant to.....Jeez, but I just find it so hard to believe or myself. I was really going at this fast...and STRONG.
I went to 7:30 am mass yesterday - it was a mass meant for me.
The priest spoke of not being discouraged if we had "messed" up with any of our intentions or not too late to start on 11th day of Lent. He spoke of God speaking to us and that his message may not be loud but subtle.
Are we listening? And what is HE saying?
I think that HE wants me to move forward - In whatever way that takes shape to move me forward & makes me healthy.
Was my goal not to move closer to HIM? Not so much fast-focused...but about the journey to HIM. and to arrive I must need to also be true to me.
I am fasting today. I will continue to fast until the day or moment or hour that I feel I am in danger of binging, then I will stop. I will eat to nourish my mind/soul with healthy nourishment & then I will restart the fast.
Again, this may not be a 'correct' fast by standards, but I was never interested in that...I have to remind myself of that fact. I did not fail - because I can't accept that.
Am I disappointed in the way I broke my fast and what followed?! HEck Yeah!! But I will not stay in that one spot. The past is done & gone. Today is the place of
moving forward. I have dusted myself off & now I go on....

 

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