Day 6 - mentally clear (even thought I didn't sleep much)

Date:   3/10/2014 1:23:43 PM ( 10 y ago)

Feeling good today - i am a bit chilly, but nothing maybe a sweater or a hot cup of coffee or tea can't fix.
Walked on the thread mill for 4 miles - a little sweat & pep me up before leaving to work. Now here I am...and I think nobody must have brought lunch in. It's the first nice day out so i imagine people went out for lunch. Great for me!!! Yippe. Feeling hungry , buy yet I am not. (strange)
Drinking veggie&fruit juice, coffee & water so far today.

Yesterday was the first time in over 10 years that I decided to go to church by myself. Even after hubby said I only had 1/2 hour to get ready, I managed to do it. Normally, my heart usually wants to go to church - but my lazy-self in PJ's on a Sunday (tired from my unhealthy life) usually wins and of course i don't go. I will feel guilty about it, but I already live with guilt of some type or another...so I just add it to my ever-growing-list and keep it moving.
I was almost tempted to staying home once again, but a feeling of "Gurl, you are always getting but giving nothing in return" washed over me... heck, I decided I would go & give HIM of my time!
SO at this point, I am feeling quite proud that nothing stopped me from making my exit out the house & headin to Church! As I approach,,,, not a good sign that I see people exiting the church...of course I know what that means - my hubby (o.k. my hubby & I) got the time wrong! Turns out that now I am a 1/2 hour early. Should I stay or should I go? Debated, tick-tock...after all that rushing around to make it to church on time??!!...and yup, after all that, I left.
My initial feeling, of course,....was GUILT. But after a few seconds, a feeling of just being okay washed over me... a feeling of God telling me that it was okay - that my decision to leave was fine. That just by me going was enough...beautiful.
I get home... HUBBY "what happened" ME "got the time wrong, I was half hour early!" HUBYY "so why didn't you just stay! you were there!" ME " I know, but GOD told me it was okay that I opted to come back home" HUBBY "God told you? (with a bit & a splash of cynicism)"HE TOLD you it was okay?" ME "Yup, HE sure did."
I get it. I get why the hubby didn't get it.
God always talks to us....we just have to stop & listen.
There have been SOOOO many times that I have not WANTED to listen. Every time i would go on my next binge of my shitty life- ofunhealthychoices....There were times HE would scream at me....But I ignored. Talk about dumb, rude,lucky!..and saved.....
After all this time. After all my choices & decisions. HE has kept me safe. I am a lucky girl and blessed girl.


 

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