Teaching at the National Heirloom Expo, 2013. I missed doing a traditional Yom Kippur that year. I was at the Frey Winery.

The task of life is to come to see ourselves through our own eyes, and not the eyes of others who see us through their eyes and what they would want us to become.--Leslie Goldman, Your Enchanted Gardener

A MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DREAM

A most uncomfortable dream feb 16 2014

Awoke with a very uncomfortable dream that makes me want to run for comfort.

Gave hospitality to two people recommended by old friend.

One arrived with a whole crew. His name was Craig. He started to set up to do business, as if he owned the place.

No idea how long he planned to stay.

William Aura sent him. His name was Craig.

He had expertise where I did not.

He was overwhelming my life with his point of view not my own.

I felt fear but could not relate this to my life at first.

I felt invaded.

Relates to attemp for Jewish thought to suck me in.

and dunce feelings.

also house stress.

7:05 a,

desire to escape and watch basketball highlight from Aztecs.

Need to eliminate invasion.

invasion traumatized me.

RECEIVING SUPPORT FROM A WORLD THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO ME

8:33 am
Sunday, February 16, 2014


Today is Farmers' Market day, Sunday. I was in the middle of working out images for a Facebook Album that validate my own life that is both similar and yet very different from my father's.]

How Does the Son of a Holy Man honor his father?

I am a servant in my own right.

There are strange feelings coming up from deep this morning, two days after coming home.

I have been receiving support from an alien world that is not my support system at a time when I am very vulnerable.

I was captured by that world and its beliefs when I was a small child.
I have spent decades escaping from that world.

I went back into that world for the seven days following my father's death. It is the world where he lives and blood relatives that have practices that do not serve my individuality.

When my mother died, I was drawn into, recaptured by that Jewish world.

Now my father died. I am decades older. There is a great shaming going on inside me from the expectations that I will commit to doing practices that are not mine.

There are also sudden shifts at the house, where I am graduating from having a very repressive housemate that was also stealing more of me than I wanted to give.

This is a new beginning, and I need to find my own support system.

I am so grateful that my closest friends also came to support me.

I do love the family healing that happened last week.

I do want to feel included in the family and I have tender feelings for them that did not exist before, but I need to enter that world as me.

I have felt like an outcast from family for decades because I could not pay the price of insanity.

I am sure I will reach more clarity on this.

I am retracing--yes--my original pain work.

I need to find my own tribe.

I also have very tender feelings for the support I received from numbers of my relatives.

This is part of the conflict that is brewing inside me.

I need to work more with the images to reclaim the O.K. ness of who I am.

Many of my friends do not even know my dad died.

CONFLICT FEELINGS

I want to serve this foreign community with what I have to give.
I need to regain my foundation in order to do this.

THE HOUSE FOUNDATION NEEDS TO BE SOLIDIFIED

The house foundation needs to be solidified in a new way.

I got graduated from a very impossible situation.

I do not want to step into another one the same way.

I ESCAPED THE JEWISH WORLD I GREW UP IN TO SAVE MY LIFE

Related poem from my book,
"Rekindling of Faith"

(Poem about Purim goes here….
got to get to the FM!!! Need to see my life anew…

I want to trace my healing steps of how I got here…


time theft

yjtrree yjings ob my plate mqkes me wabt to kill myself

vad eve.

do this today...


MY FATHER DIED CUREZONE BLOG

http://curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=2148562


 

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