day 3

Date:   7/16/2013 11:54:34 PM ( 11 y ago)

I have to make an effort today. My father thinks i am doing a 3 days water fast. When I am going to tell him that I am not breaking my fast he is going to annoy me a lot and make me feel like an idiot.

I woke up today, I was having a nightmare. I had 3 exams and I didnt study for any of them. I was panicking. I hate these dreams.

I feel very tired.

On day 1 and day 2 I didnt go N2(toilet)

I feel tired.


Thinking leads to nowhere. We are all slaves.
Slave to our bodies.
Slave to society.
Slave to the people around you.

Thinking is good to avoid mistakes but otherwise it just makes you feel like a tool. So be a tool.
Cigarettes makes you rebel against this oppression. But in the end you either suffer the consequences of smoking (in the long run) or your surrender. Islam says you are a slave to god.
It makes me think of the Marilyn Manson song: Irresponsible Hate Anthem

Everybody's someone else's nigger I know you are so am I
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers
I don't need to choose a side
I am the idiot who will not be himself
**** it
I am the animal who will not be himself

Unfortunately I need to choose a side.
I cant rebel anymore. I am tired.

-----------------------------------------

So ther is nothing to find in life.

If you want to find supernatural: take DMT

If you are searching for truth: there isnt one.Everybody sees things differently. Some are christians, some jewish, some muslims, some atheists, some sun worshipers, some methheads, some junkies, so many people...

If you want to make a lot of money: you can but I can't seem to do it.

If you feel alone even when surrounded with people: get used to it. I tried and tried, the only reward I got is failure and waste of time. You are alone on this earth. Thinking about god doesnt help at all. At least Ive got the sun if its not cloudy.

If you are looking for love: your definition of love is probably wrong.

Otherwise just take some MDMA.

If you are trying to find a solution to world peace: dont bother. You are gonna fail so miserably. Just remember to be the best person you can. That's all you can do. You can join some charity organization if you want.

If you are ahsamed of being human: Don't be. People eat, drink, shit, f***. cum, laugh, kill, steal.
Dont think about it. Just surrender. You are born human. Being born animal is not better. It's just the same thing. 
Stuck in a body which is stuck in an ecosystem. It makes no sense. But whatever. Life goes on.
 

So thinking is not really useful. The only thing you have to do is see, hear and remember. Then you can parrot back what you saw and heard. Maybe that's why it is so easy to manipulate the people, because they just parrot things, especially when they hear it from some authority.

Thinking is to find a solution. Thinking about life is completly useless. Thinking about relationships is also useless
Just parrot things. 
Thinking is usefull only if you want to solve a math problem, or something related to your job.
 

Letting go of desire is also useful for my self-gratification addiction. The last addiction i have to get rid of is YOUTUBE My father doesnt want to let me fast as long as I want. I want to see what he is gonna do to stop me. He says it bothers him that i am not eating. He says any idiot can write anything on the internet.

Listening to the Hellacopters. Itś a good band.

Walking is very tiring. I walked for an hour it was painful.

My focus while walking is very weak. My legs are also weak.

I feel like vomiting at some time but I rarely vomit. I just get the initial feeling then I repress it(thx to binge drinking)

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