Pac Sym Report Friday November 4, 2011

Date:   11/5/2011 2:23:50 AM ( 13 y ago)

Journal entry.
writing to a student who was maybe suppose to be here.
What a rain we are having. Our first rain of the season.
Good. The garden at home needed watering and the fire department is kvetching with pressure to clean up. Today a man was chainsawing...loud and maybe obnoxious to the Arosa Canyon. THen the rain came. I yelled at the man who stood in the way of our chipping last Sunday, stopping the action as I wanted to chip arundo...this is the way you stop chainsaws. they gave up.
I said, we will have a big rain. We are. What a rain. the first of the season. What a great storm!!!!

November 4 report.
It is now 12:23 am
November 5, 2011



C

It is 11:02 pm, Friday night.
I am sitting at a desk in the Caramaran Resort Hotel and Spa, Room 857. How I got to sit here to night having my own bed is kind of an amazing. What a day in the Rock Your Soul Opera, Sweetheart, and I want to take time to write about that, even though there are still papers to be organized that would have been good to do the other day. Truly, truly a day of most amazing unfoldment, too good to not stop to reflect on what I have learned.

But before I do, I want to stop and say I love you.

I deeply appreciate you revealing to me your inner process. This is ground for true relating and intimacy. The intimacy I speak of is between two people telling what is real, and that is the foundation that makes this talk of I and we possible.

I treasure what you are saying here, because you are letting me in.

When I am in showtime, it it a performance and I am very good at it, and there is also a mix of what is true and honest within it, but it is good to separate what is the performance with the genuine raw places where growth inside ourselves can happen. So what we are saying here lets me see and ask and give you understanding and reflection.

It is better to say that I see you, that play a game of hiding and pretending. I accept you as you are. When I love and care is is because it is my nature to do that. I see something in you worth caring about, and I want you to make the most of your life. You are not alone in your struggle or these delicious growth issues you are facing.

Goodard is such a lovely name. I want to know more about that...where it is...how you got there...what you did there.

It is good to have intention: I want to know where we want to get to based on some of these intimate things that up to be looked at. Breakdowns turn to breakthroughs. I have been very crippled and I am walking.

We have been mean to each other in the beginning at Roots, and i took that in because for some reason I saw something in you, or who knows.
I am too tired now to turn on that part of my head to reflect on that.

I simply know we have cone some distance and some of the experiences I have had with you have been most delightful.

You bring such marvelous natural talents to life, and I know life herself will and is supporting you.

I want to read your poetry.

I want to read the poetry that comes out of this precious material that you speak of here.

There are so many feelings here behind the sentences you wrote.

I had many days during the last Winter when I wanted to commit suicide. I was so feeling up against a wall. I do not know if we were in touch then. I was attempting to move out of hte house. I tried, but I was pushed back.

I think we should continue to write this out, and change you name if you want. You are not the only one who feeling and going through this experience that I read in these words. I am in hiding in some places still, but I do not mind the world knowing what I go through because if there is one person who can benefit from my innermost thoughts and feelings, then it is good to write them out. THat one person is me, of course, and then when we are true to ourselves, we can be true to others. THat is where the BS stops.

And BS is not as good as cow shit, but both can make good compost.

I want to go on now to write up a bit of what happened. If we tell the Rock Your Soul Opera for real, that it includes something that others can relate to and maybe we can do something of value with our time.

Of course, the opportunity now is for me to collect and have a payday, but I still want to honor this process of relating here.

I want to blog what you are talking about on my curezone site. That is where I reveal my process.

You are given me another real voice to bounce against now.


Do not discount your experiences, your history. These will lead to the dreams you want to grow, and are growing. It is all grist for the mill as Ram Dass said.

So much growth today.

I will blog about it. Such images!!!!!!! Such dreams come true today.

I know it is late and this table is hurting my arms even with two soft pillows.



Sometime, let us take a break. I want to show you Rancho La Puerta, a place where you can teach.

You have the ability.

The material you want to process for real is to excuse to keep you from doing what you are good at.

There are things you are good at....things I am good at...and things I am t terrible at.

Life is challenging us is such a lovely way.

How do we make it through the day?

Today I made it through really well and I did not get through off.

I admit it costs a lot to take time to live as I do and as I am choose to do now by letting you in and give you precious time, and myself precious time
to reflect, but we are artists and it is our path.

The key, as Jonathan Goldman the sound healer once told me, is not just playing with yourself, spanking the monkey. We needt o go the distance and allow the orgasm of fulfillment
that comes when we allow our creation to turn into some product or service and then find new problems and issues of how to receive from it.

The Hive is a lovely dream.

And this truth telling I am reading here in your note is not BS.

The unverse will support you in living and telling all of your truth.

Your body, your tummy, your toothaches, your period, the other parts, there have a lovely energy that transmits, and that is part of your giving and receiving. IT was a stupid man who stopped to imagine and say something about your eyebrows. You have so much that you give and what you give has come out of the truth you are telling.

more later.

got to look at my photos now.


See if you can find some time to get over here on Sunday. That would make me happy.


I am carless right now.

Ha, what a story that is....

The EG Mobile started to lose compression as I was driving over here on the freeway.

IT was raining and I pulled over and got a tow here to the Catamaran. I never thought twice about getting here. It was such a fun ride. Three was a puddle and I could not crawl over a wall that you could have crawled over, and so I was in the drivers seat on the EG Mobile riding about ten feet off the ground in the driver's seat while I was being hauled to the Catamaran parking lot. What fun. What an adventure.

It was a fantasy fulfilled. I always wanted to ride like that off the ground from place to place, just have my vehicle on top of a two truck.

When I came to the Catamaran on the street. I was waving at poeple. I waved at a father and a little boy. He was waving back. I hope I have that part filmed. I believe I did film that part!!!!! So cute he was and that scene. I was yelling "What do you wnat for Christmas! Then the driver, he let me down so perfect in the parking lot. He said it was o.k. to have in in the movie. What a scene!!!!! So incredible. I did not leave until 11:30 am. I always things I will get here early. I intended to, but I gave a lot writing to you.

I was thinking on the way here that it cost about $600.00 because you did not keep the appointment on Tuesday when I asked you to be there at 4 pm to help. I got into all kinds of stuff with dear Mariah who has ben a lifesaver.

When the EG Mobile broke down, I asked Ron who is part of my booth to stay in his room. Spirit cancelled out the other roommate from Quinton and so He is sleeping now, Ron, and I am typing. Ouch my arms are hurting! wrong angle.


The room costs about $125.00 minimal I imagine. I will be here for two nights.

Mariah went home and brought me some underwear, and my other new white shirt that says, Your Enchanted Gardener. Leslie Goldman. Lurrae had these made
and sent them for this show. I had that idea. I am letting everyone know I am a "doctor too" and I have a white coat like they wear at PCOM.

Felice Dunas, this great love teacher is my friend. she was hanging with Richard Gold who is one of the owners of PCOM that puts on this show. I was playing and in top form although tired. TOp form will be organized down to the level of the papers I wanted you to help me cut up so I could be ready.

I still have to cut some. My papers are a mess and I cannot receive until my Feng Shui is together. THere is a lot of money here for me but I am not yet ready to receive it.

Today Friday was a good taste. I was up in the middle of the night doing a blog on the first sponsor who will give me $200.00. I will complete on that tomorrow.

Then I was putting spirit first and listening to the voice inside I call the beat. It is intense this voice of nature that speaks to be so loudly, especially during this show. It is such a sacred space. SO many astute healers and they love me so much.

Such chi. Such life force. so many practitioners.

You are worthy to be here.

You have good natural chi too even with your rotted tooth and even with taking that that stupid remark that your eyebrows blah, blah, blah.
So stupid men can be and so stupid we are to imagine something like that could possibly matter. One of my favorite all time memories of you was recording and I saw that scene in a movie that Andrew Reiff made. You were at the Cultivating Food Justice and I wanted you to speak. Your body was so precious the things you were syaing and the body language. So precious!!!! That is worth a million dollars.

Use it damn it! You are a cheerleader,,,a master networking like I am. Use it. and find a way to get the bottom line handles. I am speaking to myself too, sweetheart. I have not done finances in a year!!!!!!! and the accountant is waiting. So many other things pressing.

Felice. that was fun. She wrote the book, Passion Play. She wast he keynote last night.

I have a joking story I tell that is kind of sexy. It is a very sexy book. Felice is one of the most together women I like.

She is a real excellent teacher and she talks about sex from a real delicious space of knowledge, ancient Chinese bedroom practices and real knowledge of how a woman's body works.

I liek to say she taught me to discover where the G spot is. Felice showed me how to find the G spot. The truth is I learned how to find it through reading her book. I met here years ago here before the book became well known and before she was one of the most popular teachers here.


STOP....

I can see you being a great teacher.

What will that look like when you teach at Rancho La Puerta????????

What will it look like when you come into the after party and snowgoose and let him see you and stop putting yourself down and cutting yourself out of the Enchanted Garden.

We call cut ourselves out of the Enchanted Garden. I have made a mess of it.


Ron is turning in bed.


So exciting to imagine how I am going to get out of this one: I do not even know how many new housemates I need!!!!! I am not sure how much money I will have to pay the mortgage. I am overextended. Angelene and Pius left without paying LMR. Then made their way out in the middle of the night without telling anyone.
He felt I was all about money because I kept asking him to pay his rent. He owned $925.00. I am not a good financial person. I do not make tight agreements.

I am attempting to help JM be int he little room. that is $425.00 I do not have.

Paris has manipulated me for a year based on his own wanting to fix the dome his way without asking. He is the one that got into me so much I wanted to kill myself.

The remedies have helped so much.

Success leads to success.

I am a national voice now.


Oh, in the old days, I would love to make love to Liora/ Mayah when I came home from doing something like that, to share such overflowing into a woman, with a woman to give and share, and I am so grateful I do not need to do that anymore, although tonight one lovely woman was sharing that her boyfriend was in California and she lives in New York. She will see him after the show. How sweet for her.

She joined the EG Club. $18.00. I did some deep work with her dream. I asked her to give the funds in a red envelope.
That is a tradition that is special in Feng SHui, the red envelope tradition.

Lynn Wedikind, the ceremonialist was also here with us and we did a ritual on the beach that I will do again on Sunday. There was a heron at the shore.
I was praying out loud and telling the heron that I loved here. She was responding and part of the ceremony. It was so special. Gillian, Lynn and me and the sea.


Ron turning again. Hope I am not distrurbing him.

Love is so sweet to give.

midnight now.

I slowed down to do the spirit first, even though I was anxious about $200,00 promised from first sponsor for art to go up at PCOM.

Did the spirit first...listening..taking off my shoes as they were telling me...because I was on holy ground.

My word is powerful here. It is a sacred space and someone needs to create that space. I did it hear for many years. Just a little this year but my word is still very powerful now.

TIFFANY's SEED DREAm

I generally plant about 25 or more seed dreams here but this year I do not have that big space.

Jack, the president, doesn't get it what he did when he took that space away from the conference.

So funny what happened.

Tiffany planted here seed dream in a pot about a week ago. She is the program director. Such a lovely friend, and she did the flowers this year. from those I brought from Joe Rodriguez...sunflowers.


So Tiffany sees me yesterday. She says, this is the first time I have seen you, she says.

I could not get down here!

Then I said, I have been in touch with you because I have been carrying your seed dream around in this pot.

She looks at the pot. It is dry. She says that her dream needs water.

They I say, I need rain water to water it.

Can you believe it. I said I need rainwater to water her dream. THen, look what happened today! The first enormous rain of the season. How grand. How special.

I have not been able to tell tiffany that story yet, but I videod it telling it.

I also videod Jillian who saw me from the street when I arrived being towed.

She said that if she had a camera she would have liked to take a picture of me waving.

ha, so funny!!!

I was multitaking...

Lynn and Gillian were at the booth downstairs with me then.
Lynn leaves in the morning. She is living in Mexico. She is the one who did the concern for the whole being weekend before last year that Christ organized.


So they were singing at my booth where there is a little altar.

A lady comes by and Mariah is also there pulling on me with practical requests for clarity...how wonderful.

I sold one set of FES for $140.00 while all that was going on.

I need to raise the prices.

Then spirit was talking to me teaching me.

They want me to raise millions of dollars for projects.

They wanted me to be here at the Catamaran not driving back and forth from home where all that other stuff is pulling on me.

I am the holder of the sacred here.

They wanted me to tend to my job and also be here to receive.

So The EG mobile was the vehicle for me to get here to do what I did not see.

IF I want to be groomed to receive millions for others and important projects, I have to be willing to look good and groomed
and be first class, like I was back east with Lurrae's help. Yes they are saying.


They are saying that I needed to have that altar space that I had for so many years, so others could plant dreams.

Ouch.

The rain and wind was so rich. I put Tiffany's dream seeds out in the rain in the porch. My energy permeates this place form so many years
of sacred work that was done here.


How funny.

the wind, the storming. Morea said to my story. oh it was raining last year so what is so big about your story.

I said, you live in your story. I will live in mine. She is a capricorn. I love her so much and she loves me.

She does here best work here.

I realized I was hard on her having my booth so close to her. My voice is too loud and I get excited.

I learned. I started to be more respectful. She is doing her work right in the traffic lane.


It isn't me. I am just being used here. but the servant is worth His Hire. that is form the bible.

Let me repeat, miss C.
THe servant is worth her hire.

Good night, and thank you.

love beams to you.

Leslie

 

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