I am home from the Queen Bees Cultural and Arts Center.
It 8:30 pm Saturday February 5, 2011.

For much of the day, I carried the house with me
and its disturbing nail biting events
of potential vacancies, impending losses of income,
out in the ethers agreements about money owned
for repairs, and tension between housemates.

Some time during the day, came a mind opening
reminder how much I enjoy the things I do
that come natural to me.

I interacted with numbers of attendees at the
Drum beat San Diego event planting dreams
and delighting in the interactions.

I gave a presentation during the EAT,
Eat Good Food Kickoff that was well received,
and then, in the final moments of the event,
I did a planting of a beet root in a pot that contained
organic alfalfa.

I hung on to received some appreciation for the work
I did. This felt good.

Then I stayed longer taking photos for a an Imovie
I would like to make about the event.

I interacted with two delightful teen agers who care for
the cafe. I saw them earlier in the day.

Josie Sanchez was one of them.

She told me she just likes to hang out and volunteer.
She gets to trade for shows that she enjoys.
There was a hip hop happening at 8 pm after our event.
I could see people arriving. It was sort of intriguing to see
the odd assortment of people arriving, one mother was dropping
off her underage girls for the hip hop show, and there were
different folks of various ages. It was so curious to see
that this venue drew them out on a Saturday night.

I wondered what was the draw. I almost wanted to stay
but I was very tired.

On the way home, I waa having an eye opening conversation
in my head. I am 63. I could be content truly just hanging
out with Josie and having an easier life.

Community Life at home?

Someone wrote me, great that you are going for your dream.

Dream, what dream? I just want to live here
in this house where all my belongings have accumulated since
1982. I just want a safe affordable place to live free to allow
my mind to go out to pasture and get absorbed in creations
of my choice without burdens of responsibility

Is it any wonder who I just want to fill vacancies when they come up
so I can get back to the other part of my life that is a full time job
as well.

Community? Please.

just show me an easier way to be here with shaking inside to my bones
and being involved in the endless requirements to be absorbed
in so many interactions to make ends meet and get back to
my life.

Show me the way, dear God.
Show me the way how to be hear,
and enloy the thought that I am tired,
that my batteries are refilling in the charger,
that I can upload my images from the day,
make an movie, and enjoy my life.

Peace. Peace. Peace.

That is all I want.

Just a burden free life here
in a place that takes care of itself.

8:46 pm



 

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