Several reports including the importance of compassion (however it can come to us) and letting others speak for themselves rather than taking anything personally.

Date:   5/8/2010 2:50:03 AM ( 14 y ago)

Last night I was walking down cement stairs outside where there is not sufficient light and I unexpectedly tripped over a water hose that others had left out. I am really grateful that I did not fall onto the cement stairs! I could not immediately correct the situation at that moment but did get to it this afternoon.

When I finally got to it, another house mate was standing close by and mentioned something about the hose. I then began to tell what happened with me but immediately after I said "I had tripped over the hose ..." they began saying how they were aware of it being left out - and they would have continued talking about that had I not said interrupted and said I wanted to finish saying what I had just started to say. I felt upset feelings on being interrupted and those feelings came through my voice as I was saying I wanted to continue speaking. It was only in that instant that I felt those upset feelings where as when I had started reporting my experience with the hose I did not feel those upset feelings. I believe that if I hadn't been interrupted I would have simply reported what happened to me without feeling upset about it. I choose to speak up for my self when the house mate was getting into speaking "on top of" what I had started to say. I have no regrets that I spoke up immediately rather than suppress my feelings! Those were the only two options that I was aware of that that time. Speak up of suppress my feelings. The good news is that my upset feelings passed very quickly after my house mate allowed me to continue speaking. What I had to say was that I am so grateful that I did not fall on my head! Within the next minute I felt some relief. My housemate made a suggestion for posting a sign regarding hose use and I really appreciated that! Altogether my house mate appeared to handle my expression of upset feelings and all well to which I also am truly grateful! I do not claim that my experience is an example of NVC and that doesn't matter to me. I believe I had an experience of compassionate from my housemate and that made for a quick resolution of upset feeling which I am really grateful for! I would add "resolution" in the list of needs at the center for NVC site.

Does compassionate communications have all the answers that support people in the midst of a sudden and unexpected emotional upset? I honestly don't know.

I think the NVC principals are great to know and that they could be very helpful in supporting another when they are upset about something. Knowing NVC principals and sitting silent while your friend is obviously experiencing upset doesn't impress me! By knowing the principals we can share empathy with others with their upsets and possibly acknowledge their feelings more completely as well as their needs. And maybe I can have it in my consciousness to communicate that I feel certain upset feelings observing my immediate situation rather than omit that in the emotional heat of the moment. But I don't expect that by knowing this stuff I will avoid having upset feelings. If the upset feelings happen without any advance notice while I am in the presence of another and if I'm not preferring to suppress my emotions then I would rather accept the emotions with all the self love that I am capable of rather then judge myself as anything less than completely lovable.

I have another house mate who wants the household to adopt certain principals. I know these principals. Many of them are a kind of elaboration of "The Four Agreements" and so I feel a lot of affinity with these principals. But I do not expect the house mates to adopt these principals. I already have an agreement with my self not to assume anything and I am truly not willing to assume anything about these principal transforming the highly individual people I live with into a more of a community than we already might be and one that would provide support for the housemate who is asking us to adopt the principals! That appears to be a kind of manipulation and I don't believe that is reasonable. However I have asked another community who apparently has adopted these particular principals for their input on this. Having just written this now I have the clarity within me that I was seeking!

Another agreement I have is to not take things personally. What people say is about themselves! The housemate who is asking others to sign on to the principals is firstly talking about them own self. Let them sign on! Let them live these principals and demonstrate them to us! Show us these principals in your daily life!

 

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URL:   http://www.curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=1619170

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