Emotional

Date:   4/28/2010 11:38:05 PM ( 14 y ago)

Day 5, Mon April 26th - When you look at this page it shows I'm posting all on the same day, but as I stated in the first entry, I'm copy/pasting this from my personal journal. I'm actually on Day 7. Ok: Woke up at 7. Feel good! Still somewhat bloated. Bummer. Want that flat stomach back. Actually got up around 9.(Mike works nights so I end up on his schedule a bit, and I often lounge around in bed surfing on my laptop while he sleeps) Didn't want any juice yet. Around 10 I made a 1-1/2 LARGE carrot, 2 apple, celery juice with the Psyllium. We sold our horse trailer today. It was very exciting putting all that cash in the bank and of course normally we would've went out and celebrated with good food and drink. It depressed me that I couldn't go. I was tempted to go and have one beer but after reading some blogs where folks did that I declined. What they said made sense; You'll get a quick buzz, then crash, then feel shitty the rest of the day and probably the next day too. Instead I went to Borders books and to look at camper shells for the truck. When we got back my son wasn't here, so I called my ex and he apparently "was going to tell me" that my son stayed
home sick. I was pissed. He's very uncommunicative. Felt more emotional than usual. Sent him scathing texts. It's around 3:30 and I'm just not wanting another juice. Not hungry either per say-just want the ritual. The event. That's what this feels like; Eventless. It's just BORING. Mike had a 4 day weekend, AND we have money, and we can't really go out and enjoy it. Feeling a little down. Felt hungry so I made a cabbage, tomato, carrot, bok choy, beet greens, apple ginger juice. Then I remembered I'm not a fan of ginger. Hehe. These juices are all beginning to taste the same. yucchhh.
Day 5 cont, Mon April 26th - Ugh. Where do I begin. Right after that last sentence above I got a call from my Dr. telling me that there is definitely "something up with my left ovary". It's enlarged. of course he said there's nothing to be "too concerned about" yet, but of course I am. Googled it and of course what comes up is Ovarian Cancer. Needless to say I was very upset. Mike tried to console me but it didn't help. I was pretty upset and Mike tried to "help me" by telling me about his aunt who was diagnosed w/cancer, had a hysterectomy and is now fine. He had also just had two beers and was obviously buzzed which for some reason really pissed me off. Now let me stop here to say I DRINK. Every day. Often when he gets home from work I'm feelin' pretty good so this is not entirely fair on my end. Then he went on to say I should go have a beer and some food to get my mind off things. I told him he was drunk (and he got ANGRY at me. We then had a huge fight and I stormed out. Went and had a good cry and came back home. I know the fast made me more emotional today. Because of my Dr appointment tomorrow morning I had to take laxatives, so I did along with TWO tea bags of smooth move. Felt drained and didn't want juice. Forced a pear celery (pretty!)down before bed. Very tired at 10:30 but began cramping at 11:30 and had the shits for an hour. UGH. I ended up going to sleep at 12:30.

 

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