this too shall pass

Date:   2/28/2010 8:01:40 PM ( 14 y ago)

No roadmap either as to what to do. Am a smidge overwhelmed and suddenly TIRED the past few days. Seems worse since I went off of iodine. Having to eat smaller meals and no starchy carbs unless I want the "valium effect." Even then I fall asleep on the couch in the early evening, go to my bed with J at 1 and then up at 5. Blah blah blah. But, just since the iodine hiatus.

My eyes are red and glassy and people ask me why. Am I tired? Um, yes, I think but tell them no. Am I ill? Shouldn't I go to a doctor? Do I want Visine, an Advil, a pain pill (huh?). No, no, no, and no. My pale grey/blue/green irises are prettier though juxtaposed against the red backdrop of my sclera. See? A silver lining regardless.

My Mother thinks all of this is because of job stress and she may just be right. I push myself and push myself trying to hit those quotas, those goals. I don't remember the last time I sat and did calligraphy. No recollection of any painting or performing. No, wait. I do remember. The last "creative" thing I did was calligraphying my Dad's poem on the invitation to his memorial. Or maybe it was my Winter Solstice cards. Too long ago. All work and no play and all that. I justify it by joking with my customers and having fun doing it, but trust me, that is hardly creative...more like second nature. Somewhere in the swirling maelstrom of all of this stress I've managed to pinch a nerve near my right scapula. Am unable to turn my head to the right and there is a constant dull pain that only goes away when the intensely sharp pains come when I turn too quickly.

I said I was going to start meditating and chanting again, didn't I? So, that is that, innit? Tomorrow morning it shall be so. I pledge to do it tomorrow morning. Can't make promises beyond that.

Phew. I somehow feel better now.

 

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