7:19 AM
January 30, 2010


I did not get to bed until after 2 AM
last night.

I was reeling from an unfortunate incident
of violation that happened yesterday here
in my home. I was the cause of great pain
by skipping steps. I did not take time to
make sure and double check that I had
permission to enter a housemate's room
before the electrician came to fix a short
circuit that existed in her room.

I assumed that by reporting the short circuit
to me, she was understanding that that meant
we would have to go in her room to fix this.

She felt violated and left a note on our community board
that she was outraged that someone had entered her
room without her knowing it.

I appreciate her strong boundaries.

I apologized. I also was not on top of
the electrician. I checked his work downstairs
with the repair, but I did not go back upstairs to make
sure her room was left as it has been before we entered.

I really skipped steps.
As a policy, before I enter someone's room here,
I will ask. I do not even knock on most people's doors.
I do not want to disturb them.

I prefer that people call me or write me via evail
when they want to see me. Sometimes I can be in
an altered state. They are demanding immediate
attention. I want the option of saying if I am available
or not available.

I need to make amends again face to face.
No matter why this mistake happened,
she did have pain from what happened.
When someone in our world has pain,
we are affected if we are sensitive.

There were consequences of this violation,
and skipping steps on my part.
She wrote a note on the public board
expressing her sense of outrage.

Here is one more reason--for those looking
for reasons--evidence--to back up their
feeling that I am insensitive, invading and mean.

I had a horrific dream and woke up very early
considering I will have to put out a lot of energy
today. There is no such thing as rest for the weary,
or the "wicked" when we are the kind of person
who can go into spaces of beating ourselves up.


2.

Today is the Shabbat of the Birthday of the Trees.
It is one of the four New Year's in the Jewish Life Cycle.
This holiday is called Tubishvat.

My niece--the only one of my sisters four children
that I talk to on a constant basis--asked me to
join her in some sessions of a Shabbaton, a weekend gathering
of Orthodox Jewish people. She was coming down to San Diego
from Los Angeles. The theme of the Shabbaton involved
a talk on the Kabbalah between men and women, or
something like that.

All week long, I had a bad feeling about going to this event.
I did not want to expose myself to the toxic atmosphere
that I often experience in Orthodox Jewish environments.
I come out of a Jewish Orthodox experience as a child.

Then, yesterday morning, the day of the event,
I woke up and my spirit and energy said, go to this event!
It was a time to make Peace with my Roots! It was a time
to make my niece happy. It was a time to be one with
the orthodox Jewish people and their lovely way of life
that without question runs through my veins,
is part of my bones, part of my unique way of viewing
the world.

This morning, the morning after...
the first eve of the Shabbaton,
I woke up with this horrific nightmare,
where a woman wad repeatedly murdering sets of people
and nothing could be done to stop here.

Then Bingo!

I started to have insights into why I have so much
remaining pain--in the area of my Original Pain Work--
We are all born with Original Pain. My original pain work
is in a Jewish Context. I have worked my entire
adult life striving very hard not to throw the baby
out with the bath water, so to speak. I have made
friends within the Jewish Renewal Movement,
and I had wonderful allies who were also Orthodox
and befriended me. The main one is now dead.

Original Pain is the body of material stuck inside
that drives us consciously until we Clean out the wound.

I write about THE GREAT EARTH CLEAN UP on this blog
a lot. In recent weeks, I emptied a lot of dark chaos
from my closet. I am speaking now about literally
cleaning out my closet. I had not been in there
for ten years to truly pull most things out.
I am so proud of myself! Over 40% of my closet
is now renewed!!!

CLEARING OUR CLOSET.
CLEARING OUR HEAD.

In my own belief system, I recognize that the whole world
is connected. When you enter a dark closet and go in there
with Microfibre, broom, and essential oils, you are forcing
something out of the closet that will have to be dealt with.

I hope that makes sense.
It is a principal behind hoarding.

When you see a person with hoarding tendencies--
there are deep unconscious reasons why they are doing what
they are doing. These reasons come up when we
do a cleanse.

They are part of the Healing Experience.

DR BERNARD JENSEN wrote a lot about the HEALING CRISIS.

Many of us, reading this blog, are aware of what it means
to do a cleanse. We clean out our internal closet--our bowels--
from time to time,
but we may not be aware of the mental and emotional components
that may be stuffed inside of us.

These components that we seek to Cleanse are asked
to come to Light. The process can be painful.

A person should have a say before we enter their space.
I dislke very much when healers, so to speak, or know it alls,
attempt to fix me too fast.

That is basically what I did to my sweet housemate.

I thought I was doing what she asked when she said
there is a problem in my room, and then wrote me that she
was glad I was going to call the electrician to fix the
short circuit.

Something was lost. Some steps were skipped.

ORGANIC LIVING

Organic living means not skipping steps.
It means taking time.
It means being conscious about what we are doing
step by step.

Organic Living cares about people more than
profit. It cares about people's feelings.
It make sure and asked, if what we are doing is O.K.
step by step.

Organic Living is Conscious Living.
Someone who lives organically does not skip steps,
I would never enter another person's private space
without making sure that what they are doing,
and what they are bringing in is safe for them.
Are you comfortable with this electrician coming into your space
to fix this condition? May I come in now?
Are you ready to have me enter your private space?


LETS TAKE a LOOK NOW
at the VIOLATION THAT MOST OF US
EXPERIENCE EVERY DAY IN OUR FOOD SUPPLY
WITHOUT OUR KNOWING IT

Take the food at this Shabbaton I attended
last night.

I was in outrage at the violation.
For me there was a deep violation taking place,
and I want to correct this violation today
when I go back.

I am going first to OB PEOPLE's FOOD STORE
to buy some fresh food. The salad they
served and served my niece was God Awful.
She knows better than to eat that quality
of food, God Bless her!!!

The pain I am feeling goes to my core,
but before I get into Cleansing out more of
my Original pain, still inside this 62 year old body--
let me speak to the outer expression
of my violation.

At the Shabbaton,
we were all served, with the best intentions
a dinner that was catered.
The man who was catering the dinner was a kind
man. I asked for hot water a number of times,
and he provided it. I know he meant well.
I used the water to put in some organic THROAT COAT
Tea. There was some virus in the atmosphere,
and I could feel it in my head. I spent the
whole week getting over a cold.
This is all I need now.

I served the rabbi some of the Throat Coat,
but he never got to it. His drink was sweetened
with all those toxic sugar substitutes that I would
never serve to anyone I cared about.

I know the Jewish Orthodox people who brought
us all together also meant well.
They had the best intentions at heart.

They wanted to create an atmosphere where
unmarried--i.e, single Jewish people could come together
to meet other singles.

My niece is one of the most precious human beings
I know. She is a Godsent to me and to everyone she meets.
She is a teacher in a charter school in L.A.
She deserves a loving husband and all that goes with
this. Her timeclock is running so to speak and she
very much would still like to have her first child.
She deserves this.

The lovely well intentioned guest Rabbi--the creator
of this weekend of possible match making--had the
theme of finding your "Beschert"--Your Soul Mate.
The one you are meant to meet.

He is one truly a kind and generous man, and he is
about the business of fulfilling his Life Purpose--
getting Jewish men and women together in good
marriages that will last. He is very concerned
about the high percentage of Jews who are now
marrying outside the Jewish Religion. It is up
to 52%.

I kept dozing off through most of what he said--
I ate some of the dinner that included--
three or four pieces of Gefilte Fish--
no doubt violated by pesticides, preservatives,
and sugar added. I also ate the horseradish
that was likely "disorganic,"

DISORGANIC is a word that I may have made up.
It means food that has been violated, and is no longer
capable of doing what God intended when "She" created
Food.

What did God have in mind she "He/She" made food for us?
That is a whole book.
I may get into it in another Plant Your Dream Blog.

For sure Food--and Flowers--and Trees--
and Fruits--and Vegetables--go hand in hand
with celebrating Tu-bishvat--this Birthday of the Trees
that is happening right now this weekend.

The parts of the dinner last night
that my niece and I would not touch
was the salad--that was definitely
disorganic. We were served pale, head lettuce,
the kind that puts people to sleep,
and other veggies with no vitality.

Good God! And this is the food meant
to bring women and men together?

Most men go bald these days from refined
wheat. We cut out the VItamin E and natural Lecithin,
the brain and nerve fat the feeds the attraction
chemistry that makes men vital and attractive
to women.

Also on the table was Mountain Dew,
the brew owned by the COCA COLA COMPANY.
COKE is full of Aspartamine, (Spelling)
that drug approved by the FDA that is
so hazardous to our health.





 

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