fighting to stay strong

Date:   1/13/2010 3:50:44 PM ( 14 y ago)

i am on survival mode...
not easy... it's a struggle these past couple days. my moods sometimes fluctuate from moment to moment. it's like an internl struggle. one side wants to continue on my binge/purge-free plan & this other side of me just wants to give in to the b/p that would just taste so good going in....just don't want to look myself in the mirror afterward. I keep giving myself a dose of positive self-talk to see me through. Amazing how one small bite of anything can just suck you under if you allow it to happen. It's been a small while for me since my last b/p and I want to keep it that way. what keeps me going is that one day i will actually say it has been months since my last b/p and then to be able to say "wow, it has been years since my last b/p episode.
i am glad i am here typing away at this very moment...only because 10-15 minutes ago i was struggling and i am soooooo glad i did not give in. i pray that i keep strong yet through another day and i will feel great tomorrow.
the feeling of winning my struggle over bulimia is one that i don't want to trade for the sucky sickly feeling after throwing up. disgusting. bulimia is ugly, smelly and disgusting!
as ms gloria gaynor said, I will survive!

peace, love & strength!
stay strong girlfriend!!!!!

 

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