tonight

Date:   1/8/2010 8:58:45 PM ( 14 y ago)

so i am feeling vulnerable right now and i thought to log on...don't want to give in to my urges so i am here. i need to love me enough...my children, husband and family enough to stay strong. Lord, help me!
I was thinking yesterday when i was feeling stronger than i am at the moment. I was thinking that i have always wanted such a quick fix for everything. I am a smart lady so i know that some things just take enough work and determination. Having been blessed on this earth for thirty eight years, i know a thing or two...but i know how we can be so flawed also. We meet people from all walks of life and we all can sure put up such appearances. Different masks for certaing situations, people, and occassions. Most likeley than not we all medicate with one thing or another...whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, television, computers, games, facebook, drama, oblivion... but we are all the same deep down under.
Some of us fake it better or some of us just live to live.
Live to appreciate each and every breath.
The sun and the air that we breathe.
Today, I just completely got lost watching my daughthers palying in the snow. The joy in their simple little lives.
The innocence. I was completely in awe. I was completely in love. and thankful.
so right now i want to keep that joy in mind and keep on my path..i pray to go to sleep or get lost in a t.v. program enough to completely put me to sleep and know that i have made it through one more day of not binging and purging. i am a recovering bulimic...and i am going through detox. my babies smiles in the snow should get me through tonight.

 

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