Continuing with the very original theme of this Blog that began with the intention of greater truth-telling for my own sake!

Date:   9/4/2009 4:04:25 AM ( 15 y ago)

This past ten days or so I have been building upon some further insight about my own "case" in terms of self-healing. Things began moving at my last acupuncture session where I spoke truthfully about my need for attentive listening. I said it is very interesting to me that I live in a household of eight other individuals who all have some kind of relationship with healing and with community and yet I do not know who I can readily come to have a quality time of one to one with. I admitted that I could see a pattern in my life of asking others whom I had considered living with whether we can have interpersonal conversation, then hearing their dis-interest, accepting that as perfectly OK and instantly disregarding my own need! I finally declared ten days ago that I'm not doing that anymore! In that acupuncture session I promised I would reconnect with my housemates and ask for personal time with them. I began doing that as soon as I came home and my very first conversation was exceptional! I was encouraged and felt hopeful for what I thought could develop with the other house mates. I had one more very positive conversation with another housemate and one that was OK followed by one where I did not make the connection I wanted. At that point I felt some discouragement (but not hopelessness). I counted the last encounter as a learning experience on how to communicate with this individual in a way that I think may work better for both of us. I believe that I will still be meeting with a couple more housemates and I really look forward to experiencing that!

My mother is visiting in town and as of three days ago I began having more insight into what I now call my family-based domestication process and the role my mother played. I have made mention of tremendous healing in my relationship with my father over the past couple years and now that I have freed up a significant amount of my personal psychic/emotional energy (that was somewhat locked into the father conflict) I now find that I have more energy to work on "the mother conflict". Firstly it has only been in the last few years that I feel I have really begun to recognize the conflict. With my father it was most obvious to me since I was about five years old! I grew up always imagining that my mother was the "good guy". Now I am beginning to see the role that she played in the family matrix, a system which I am clear was toxic for me emotionally and mentally. And based on that clarity I now want to address how my mother supported that unhealthy environment. In the last day I have written some on this and may post it at another time. I'm holding what I wrote close to my chest for now because I might begin sharing that information with my mother while she is still visiting in town.

In any case, I have been working with the Destiny Card system as presented by Robert Camp and am now taking his free e-mail course. Even though I am familiar with the system I found the following information especially interesting to me in light of the inner work that I've been doing lately:

"Hearts - Hearts govern the first period of our lives and the first season of the year - the season of childhood. And the things of childhood are the things associated with Hearts. Family, love, home, relationships, emotions, and children all fall under the domain of Hearts. People who are born as Heart Birth Card are child-like in nature. They never really get old, not on the inside. And they usually love children. They are most concerned and affected by their personal relationships, especially relationships with people in their families. ... The Heart person is searching for the perfect love."

I've known that I am a "heart person" for over twenty years and yet reading this in Robert's email course now really impressed me, as if I finally have an objective-based validation for the "heart person" that I am! Maybe this information can be something I can share with my mother as an introduction to how important it is for me to resolve my family relationship conflicts since this points out how "affected" I am with them. This may actually appeal to my mother who is also a heart person herself!

 

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