Been going through a lot of emotional trauma lately. Wrote this early this morning, in a fit of righteous indignation and heart-pain, questioning and accusing Spirit as I often do when I'm hurting. Feeling better now, reading it over, I laugh, as I always do, as Spirit often does, when I get in these moods.

Date:   7/10/2009 9:51:12 PM ( 15 y ago)

Holographic Projection


This is all a hologram.

It is not real.
It is NOT real.
It is NOT REAL.

This is NOT my Reality.
It is NOT real.
It is NOT REAL.

This is merely a projection of my mind.

Some Day, some Time,
I will WAKE UP.
I WILL WAKE UP.

This is NOT real.
This IS NOT real.
This is NOT REAL.

I will WAKE UP.
I WILL wake up.
I WILL WAKE UP.

When?

I sit on my bed writing this.
It is past two in the morning,
Friday July 10, 2009,
Standard American West Coast Earth Time,
Milky Way Galaxy...in what Universe?
The 3rd Dimension

When will I BE REAL Again?
When will I be MY WHOLE SELF?
When will I be my SHINING BEING OF LIGHT Again,
instead of this diminished, pathetic, weak, bio-neuro form?

You have taken me and put me in a straight jacket.
You have blinded me and deafened me.
You have restricted my auric capacities.

I can no longer SEE.
I can no longer KNOW.
I CAN NO Longer shape-shift
or materialize and dematerialize.

If I didn't know better, I would say you have imprisoned me,
here in this "solid" life-form.
Is this a prison planet after all?

But no, that is an old way of thinking,
done with a limited brain with blinders on and ear plugs in.

A school, you say. To learn life lessons.
What kind of "school" is this, anyway?
The school of "hard knocks"?

How many life times must I be knocked down?
When can I be FREE?
Must I wait for biological death?

Why can't I have my heaven here on earth?
Why can't I have my cake and eat it, too?
Why must these lessons be so VERY HARD?

What is the point of all of this PAIN?
This Heart pain, worse than physical pain.
Give me a hole in my heart. Pierce it with an arrow.
Spill blood. But why this ongoing heart-pain?

It is worse than death to feel this way.
The sorrows and the grief. The regrets and the remorse.
The guilt and the shame.

"Love thy neighbor as thyself".
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
So you say.

But what if one hates one's self so much one can only hate one's neighbors?
What if one kills and maims one's neighbors,
so they can only kill and maim in return?

Isn't this the human "Golden Rule"?
"An eye for an eye". "Tit for tat". "Like begets like".
What else would you expect on a prison planet?

Why do you insist on playing these Games?
Are you merely playing with us, toying with us?
How do we REALLY know if you're lying to us or not?

Maybe there is NO "VEIL"
Maybe there is NO "SPIRIT"
Maybe there are NO "GUIDES"
Maybe there are NO "GODS"

Maybe, just maybe, I AM the ONE and only GOD
and this IS REALLY just a Holographic Projection
from my mind after all,
but I've been in the Holo-Program for SO LONG now,
I've forgotten that it is NOT REAL.

The madmen are RIGHT after all.
We've all gone crazy and forgotten WHO WE ARE.
...or, I've forgotten WHO I AM,
as YOU are NOT REAL.

YOU are just a figment of MY imagination.

No wonder I feel all alone.
I AM alone.
There is only ONE.
There is only ME.
YOU are dust motes floating on the Projection Screen of my mind.

None of this is REAL, really.
Just a hologram.


---Liora Leah
Friday July 10, 2009
2:30 A.M.







 

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