7:20 AM
Sunday
May 24, 09


I did better this Saturday night-Sunday morning
of rest than I did last Saturday.

I have been merciless in allowing my
Creative Spirit and Energies to Dominate
my Sleep Time. At times, it feels good
to go to work when I wake up at night.
I have been doing this the past week,
but it leaves me very tired during the day.

It would be better if I allowed myself
to go to sleep earlier, but I am in a pattern
now of wanting to chilll out before going
to bed through watching something on T.V.

Last night, I did this.
I enjoy the feeling after a long day
of finally crawling into bed and being prone
and then going mindless if possible for a while
into something totally different.
My choice last night was not a good one.

I often am lost without getting my Mind Focus.
This takes place in the early morning while
my body is still. Often I can go very deep.
Sometimes I am processing. Sometimes
I am traveling but that generally takes makes
when I am at a much deeper level.

During the sleep hours last night,
I was also attempting to work out
an impactful notice on the bulletin board
about sharing refrigerator space.

I need to give myself compassion
and self love this morning.
There is a part of me that is in dissapointment.
I was wanting to go out and have some enjoyment
last night at a KARL ANTHONY concert
in our neighborhood. Instead, I took time to
process the passing of Rabbi ARYEH HIRSHFIELD.
I just learned he died tragically in January.
I blogged on this. I also used the momentum
of inspiration to get a complete with MICHAEL BEDAR.
I promised him some introductions. I have played
a role in his finding his job with GABRIEL COUNSENS
the last five years. Michael was his executive assistant.
Now he is having a natural graduation from that.
We talked last week during the time I was at
LA MILPA. He had written me during the week,
so that was important. It was an appropriate
end of Shabbat activity to do that.
I made numbers of calls wanting to share the energy
of ARYEH's passing with someone, but no one was there
to pick up the phone.

I am letting go of the dissapointment that I did not go out
last night. I was also very tired. I worked numbers of
hours from 2 AM to 5 AM Saturday morning.

I also have to give myself compassion in my choice
to spend the morning hours in bed, reading the
new SPACE OF LOVE #3 Magazine. There is an outstanding
interview, one of the best ever, on the PLANT YOUR DREAM
work. I have not taken time to read it closely. I have also
been out of touch with REGINA B. JENSEN, the editor.
She has become the dearest of friends via email.

I also blogged on this yesterday.
I was profoundly moved by the other articles
in the global magazine that very much is aligned
with my spiritual path.

I want to celebrate that KEEP The BEET has a column
in this magazine. That is worth a lot.

Yesterday was a day of Gevurah in the week of Malchut.
Oh, that is an Ahah! moment. Much of my disappointment
was about having to make choices and accept limits.
I cannot do everything. If I allow myself to use my Creative
spirit freely at night at the computer, rather than stay in bed,
there is a price to pay. If I decide to follow the inspirational
flow and get into my feelings--as I did with processing
the passing of Aryeh, and the complete of giving my word
to Michael, I may not be able to go out the same evening.
HELENA used to call this time debting. I attempt in one
hour to do more than is humanly possible in this 3D world.

I also had misplaced my ECOUSABLE water bottle yesterday.
I left it in the garden someplace. I had to go out and retrieve it.
I am definitely still in Mercury Retrograde, because even now,
I cannot say where I found it.

Mercury Retrograde is an exquisite time to get completes
from the past, as the Aryeh passing coming up now. It died
in January.

We are in the final week of the Journey of Awakening. I am using
these wonderful Kabbalistic Meditations that connect the four worlds
of my being.

Malchut is the Kingdom. It is the place of Ground Zero.
Walking around the property, I could see the profound chaos,
lack of care, and abandonment of the property. We have not
been good caretakers.

I set out to create an extended community of caretakers.
It will take an extended community both living here and outside
of Gardeners.

We will also likely need to extend the hours being asked,
that includes more EDU's....going from 12 to 15 hours.
It is going to take more hours from the people living here.
The refinance is going to be asked of me very soon.
That is a big recommitment to this house responsibility.

I also took some valuable hours yesterday in cleanup in my room.
This was also very healing.

I went through numbers of the notebooks RE: the House.
There has been much work done over the years, many, many, hours,
put in.

The GREAT EARTH CLEAN UP is another priority this summer.
I need to accept that this is going to take time and energy.

I also want to give energy to the Wednesday night COME ALIVE!
Class. That is going to be an ongoing experience. I cannot give
enough to that to lift it off now.

Again, I need to give compassion to myself if I want this.

I need to be satisfied, just having J.M. and I sit together,
and who else wants to come.

I did take time last night to transcribe a number of names
that have been hanging on from the CULTIVATING FOOD JUSTICE
CONFERENCE.

I also want to give myself compassion
about...choosing to not go to a lovely event tonight
that would ask me to give up Monday Morning.

There are three really Long Range Focuses I need
This week.

One is a complete for the FIC Directory.

This is going into print.
I need to transcribe the draft as it will go into the book.
I need to make some corrections and updates.

I also need ....to pick up some more of the water leak fixers
from Home Depot and complete with J.M. about money for the last
two months, and also the shelves....the water I hear...in the backyard.
It has two big leaks. We are wasting water.

THe other longrange is the Pacific Symposium Newspaper
for that event.

I took time Friday night early to scan Fall events.

That was important before I delve into the cleanup in the room
and backyard....

O.K. What do I need to do...for FIC and PAC SYM and when
will I do it?

Other blogs on that now...

 

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