5 1/2 day fast now; also day One of Pushing away the food unless it is absolutely Ok with me to eat: a radical new discipline

Date:   5/5/2009 10:48:38 AM ( 15 y ago)

I am so scared and I have been so brualized and I have to succeed at this fast I have to

I will succeed at it

I am also starting a day count of pushing away the food truly honestly.

No eating unless eating is abbsolutley OK with me.

Today is day 1

This fast is 5 1/2 days. at least. the thing is I have to wait to eat until eating is really OK with me again.

I am scared and this is such a sacrifice and such a bleak new way and such a change of life

I must do it

My gradma died this week and she never got to see me become a decent and responsible or good person and I am so sad.

I have to go now.

I really did lengthen my fasts -- to 4 1/2 days --

but I need above all to stop pushing the food down compulsively in anticipation of a fast or fearfully after a fast -- fearing my thinness -- I stuff the food. this is so toxic.

I don't knwo what to do about my diet. getting so sick on some of teh nontriggering foods. so scared to push away the food until such time as my body is really ready for th food. its all hypothetical fears. I don't know what to do though.

real healing is never compulsively overeating = never eating unless I am totally Ok with eating.



 

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