It may not be fair, but people with chronic pain have credibility problems to deal with on top of their pain

Date:   12/24/2008 2:05:16 PM ( 16 y ago)

"A Fibro's Credibility"

Its bad enough to be dealing with the pain of Fibromyalgia, but there is also the social side of it, where our credibility is questioned by people we interact with. When others do not believe our pains are real, then they also do not believe us when we have to excuse ourselves from activities or social gatherings. They must assume we don't like them, or that we are anti-social. They might feel offended, and of course there is little hope of ever explaining to them that that isn't the case, we are simply in too much pain to go galavanting around for social reasons.

The worst of the credibility issues is where some of us are not able to work, and when our pains are not thought to be credible, the only conclusion is that we are lazy, welfare cheaters, and simply not pulling our own weight. That really stings.

There is a big effect on our mental health when these credibility issues creep into our lives. I know I just want to die when I realise that someone is thinking these things about me. When it is a person from "the old days", like an old school friend or someone I used to work with, I know I just have to stay away from them. Finding a real friend is tough when we have Fibro, and so many of us are "loners" - not that we like to be alone, it is just less stressfull and humiliating to be alone.

Yesterday I had to end a phone call because of severe muscle spasms in my shoulder and neck... how does it sound to someone when they hear me say "I just canot hold the phone any longer, sorry but I have to go now" - it sounds like a lame excuse to get rid of them. And then, being me, I fretted about what that person was thinking... maybe I should phone back and chat for awhile just to show them I was not trying to get rid of them, and that I DO like talking to them. But, my shoulder is still bad, and I may have to end the call again, so it is best not to call them back.

Another situation is where, in summer time when the hot weather has that good effect on my muscles and I am able to move around a bit better, and I do the stretches to prepare to ride my bicycle. Then, for a few hours in the afternoon my medications are at their peak and I am able to go for a bike ride. When people see me riding, they might think "hey, he is not hurting so bad, what a faker". What they don't know is that there is just a small window of opportunity to do a bike ride, and that is what they are seeing. They might assume that I am able to do that all day long, since I can do it once.

Maybe it would be better to just not be seen riding. Maybe it would be better not to take any phone calls. Nope - I won't fall for that, I have a duty to be as well as I can be, even in the face of discrimination and judgemental attitudes. This is chronic pain, and life will just not be easy no matter what I do or don't do. Besides, many, or perhaps even most, people really and truly want to help people with chronic pain cope a well as we can.


 

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