The beginning of my really learning how to fast at length. Making necesary changes to be more food-sober in between fasts.

Date:   11/23/2008 9:24:08 PM ( 16 y ago)

I have a day count now on being in a mode of lengthening my fasts.
Finally I am succeeding in learning to fast at length, which will result in healing. (only -- perhaps not in the way I imagined! FASting is the key, but see below)

The rules of the day count are as follows:

1. Each fast has to be longer than the previous one.
2. If I commit a fast in writing I have to go through with it all the way, for the stated number of hours.
3. Raw foods only, with progress after each fast toward a diet of green, living (sprouted) foods only.

So I have 14 days today. I am counting my days in an AA meeting, identifying myself only as an addict. In these 14 days I have made a 48+ hour fast, a 60+ hour fast, and, now, the beginning of a 66-hour fast. Next is 72 hours -- 3 days -- a breakthrough.

I am only troubled and scared now by sh*tty people in the water fast forum. These people are ganging up on me. I cannot make myself vulnerable enough right now to even go into the problem. It is too terrifying. I wish I had support.

In my fast right now I am having a very decent time. I have started to work on my novel. I really want to write a novel, all about my experience as recovering food addict and ultimately successful faster. But I am also really groggy and toxic. I am so scared by my grogginess and toxicity. I can barely work on my novel. I am really scared by this. I wish I had the kind of support I used to. I wish life were not so merciless.

The main thing I am dealing with in this fasting process is the necessity of really stoppign the bad habits in between fasts. I have to refrain from large meals. There has to be a size limit on meals. I have decided 650 cals. max. 850 cals for the last meal before a fast. I have got to stop eating when I get the stop signal. I have not figured out how to work withthe thought process that prevents me from stopping.

I will write again probably during this fast. I am living in terror of beign rejected, abandoned, from the water fast forum - by these insane sick gross people. Help. I cannot even articulate all that I think and feel and understand about this situation and these f*ckers. Help. Help, God.



 

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