losing the willingness

Date:   8/4/2008 8:29:53 PM ( 16 y ago)

I am trying to stay with this.

i am feeling really bleak.

I am over-strained.

i am miserable - in public libraries all day

Going home to some movies that I have checked out of the library

Generally I am too alone.

I am really on this aloneness marathon... keeping to myself to focus on fasting. But I have reached a point of needing entertainment, distraction, engagement, so as to keep to my fasting goal.

I ought to start looking for a job -- a good job -- acting jobs or something in entertainment -- so as jsut to keep myself on the fast.


Good God. i am really losing my willingness to go through with this. i am ashamed. i want to feel determined again. I really want this time to be different.

BUT IT IS SO HARD. And I have a fear of being in danger somehow from the fasting.

Right, I have to distract myself. Going to job-search now or soemthing. Anything to give me the sense that I have something besides food to live for.

God,I jsut want to quit right now. Well, I guess I will jsut have to decide if that is waht I really want to do.

I have got to write people asking for suppor tand post again or soemthing. Help.

 

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