90 Days Raw Only Today. Now I am Increasing Lengths of FAsts Again. Most Recent Fast 37 Hours. Goal is to Fast 42 Hours Starting by the End of This Week. Struggling Terribly for Willigness Even jsut to fast 42 Hours. God, How can I do it??? I Guess Through Getting Off More Trigger Foods (Fruit)

Date:   7/22/2008 7:12:48 PM ( 16 y ago)

Today is July 22, 2008, my 90th day of raw foods only.

I wish I had the willingness to sit down here and now and hash out my status and current plan and talk myself up to being willing to take my next steps toward more reliable fasting and better "food sobriety."

I am unfortunately compulsed to go get my "entitled" food for the rest of the day and slam this down myself. ugh. THIS IS NOT OK WITH ME. I hate how I am degrading myself and crippling myself.

I do have a day count again, because my next to last fast was like 27 hours or something and my very last fast was 37 hours: an increase. So I am back to increasing the lengths of my fasts.

Current fast length: 37 Hours (ended yesterday)

Current fast goal length: 42 Hours (starting God please help me how am I going to do it byu the end of this week)

I am in so much pain and feel so little willingness to endure the misery of fasting even for 42 hours and am so unwilling right now. I am really tired,.

I know I have to start meditating.

I don't know how I am goint to get the willingness to fast 42 hours.

I have got to really sit down and examine this and see what the problem is and how to solve it, and I have got to meditate too in order to succeed, I think.

My acting class is over soon and this is bad, but it will let me focus totally on fasting.

God, the willingness to be sober -- i.e., to fast -- is so hard to get right now. I have got to pray for help.







 

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