whatever

Date:   3/23/2008 12:42:18 PM ( 16 y ago)

I'm still breathing. Was still going strong until day 13. Relapsed and continued the slide. I have given in to the default thinking that I can't do this, that it doesn't matter if I do this, and the end result will be my predictable failure. Well, there you have it - a full-blown self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sabotage: "treachorous action to hinder an edeavor; deliberate subversion", "destruction of property or obstruction of normal operations, as by civilians or enemy agents in time of war". Hmmmm. Sounds vaguely familiar. My nightmares have returned, as have my abdominal pain, and bags under my eyes. Cryin' out loud, you'd think I was doing drugs. I picked up the 'phukkitz' again. Well, I'll just drop 'em and keep going. Back on track.

Voice mail. The world's solution to the fear of intimacy. I've shut my voice mail function off. If people really want to speak to me, they'll just have to call me back. I'm sick of 'tag - you're it'. I'm in too much f**king pain to hear people tell me how much they care over voice mail. You really care? Call me back and talk to ME. Call my home number rather than my cell at night. Boundaries. Guidelines. Honesty.

I've got the groceries, I've got the recipes. I'm gonna do this thing.



 

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