Thanks for the above image! I love it! I cut and pasted it to put into this new message. So, thanks again whoever you are.
Day 6. I have gotten out of the swamp and am in the field. What a great day I've had. Last night I was in the kitchen for two hours making a raw, vegan version of Pasta Marinara and did that hit the spot! I felt a small flicker true happiness within myself come alive. I had the leftovers for lunch and this afternoon, I went on a DOGSLED RIDE!!! What a trip! The dogs, the energy from them, the howling, the barking, the fighting, the running! It felt like life unfiltered, untamed, unafraid. I was as hungry as a horse when I got home! I chowed on some dates and a banana and some water w/lemon. I feel much better. It's funny how my hunger is translated as needing something I really don't. Like cheese, or hot, thin crust pizza. I thought the pizza through and all I could think of was having a dough ball sitting inside my large intestine for a few days - EEEWW. I must be changing! Yay!
I had an apple for breakfast, then raw, vegan 'Pasta Marinara' for lunch (stringed zucchini, yellow squash and red pepper for the 'pasta'), and tonight flax seed crackers, Tahitian Noni Juice, banana and mango. I have celery in there I should gnaw on.
I submitted two full time job applications today just to feel out my options in case there's anything better out there. I feel so much better than I did Monday night and I did not eat any food that was not raw vegan. It's amazing. Food does not save me from my emotions. My emotions are not my enemy, my emotions propel me into the outer dimensions, into real life.
One of the dog sledders (mushers) knew the one person who truly was my life and my true, true love in this world who was killed years ago and it became apparent when he saw my license plate which reads the name of that person. What a trip. The connections we make that we don't even know about. The mysteries of life TERRIFIED me since childhood into non-action, non-living and even more into a state of nothing since the loss of that person. Very slowly, I've been coming out of my cave. Very, very slowly. I got a big shot of warm sunshine on a 28 degree afternoon in one handshake. What a trip.
Food, food, food. I need, I want, I have to go make some delicious, healthy, raw vegan power food that will get me through tonight and tomorrow - 11½ hour day tomorrow.
Love to you, happiness to you.