Feel like a blob physically. Great recipe for dinner. Bikram yoga tonight.

Date:   3/9/2008 10:26:57 AM ( 16 y ago)

Day one went very, very well. Ate only raw, vegan food as planned. I am soaking wheat berries to plant grass and to make Rejuvelac. It sounds nasty, but who am I to complain? I used to drink tequila and eat the worm years ago - that's nasty. It amazes me how I used to ingest so many unknowns as long as the substance promised to change how I felt about and perceived myself and life.

My emotions were up, down and all around. I worked very hard to not react to them in a negative way, to be respectful of my family, and apologize when I was wrong (especially during the part of the day when we paid bills together, yikes).

Front row seat to 'what is'. Upon leaving therapy on Friday, it was agreed that my focus this week is to identify my feeling and to bring myself to the present. While a feeling may feel like it's from the past and feel as though it's one long continuance and is the same, really it's not. It is today and a whole new feeling. Little capsules, each day I live. Keep it separate and move on. Man, that's one tall orders in some moments, but it works. It keeps me from feeling like this is all futile. Baggage does not have to be carried.

I looked through one really good raw recipe book and was eyeballing the dried foods. I need to be careful - there may be funghus among us. Big potential there for growing things. I really enjoyed in the past these flax seed/red pepper dried crackers. There's a bit of hot pepper in there as well. I'll start with that and see where it leads. I'll make that my priority this afternoon to make a batch.

My family enjoyed beef burritos last night, my Husband cooked them. I made the salad, enough for everyone. At the table I was armed with sparkling spring water w/lemon, a huge salad w/raw vinegar and raw olive oil, and these neat little dried banana walnuts (no sugar added)that are a raw treat someone sent to me. I'm out of the walnuts, as it was a single-serving packet - but I'm not going to buy any right now. They seemed too close to the edge. I really wanted a large bowl full. My taste buds need to chill out and relearn the word delicious before I even consider goodies. To be reviewed at a later date.

I meditated for 30 minutes on the mat this morning. Then, two apples for breakfast. They're crisp juicy and sweet. Leftower salad from last night is planned for lunch - with raw almonds on the side. Tonight - a lovely green and yellow zucchini dish with herbs and a raw marinara. I'll be sure to make enough for tomorrow's lunch. For dessert (very exciting) I'm making "ice cream" made with mango, fresh oj, raw cashews, banana, and dates. Yum. I'll make enough to have on hand for dessert after dinner tomorrow as well.

Avocados, I must not forget to buy avocados today. They are awesome craving relievers.

Today, Bikram yoga. I'm not looking forward to how it feels being in this body doing that yoga. I feel like I'm my skeleton and the rest of me - the muscles, organs, and fat - are all just orbiting around me in a contained suit. Like it's all just floating around and the skin keeps it all in. I'm not obese, I'm 5'5" and 145 lbs. I am out of shape. I do not have muscle tone, especially in my abdominal region. After yoga, a shower, a snack and an early bedtime. 7pm, ideally. The detox process needs to be allowed to do what it needs to do, and I need to allow myself to rest. My body is working hard, my emotions are not very willing to let go of the familiar. It's day 2 of my training, not day 92. 'Slow and steady wins the race' I've been told.


So, finish breakfast, shower, dress, make my shopping list and go. It'll be fun today. I just have to let it be and not drag the drama around with me. Observe and breath.

Have a really good day!




 

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