Life as it is. Making changes with what is.

Date:   3/8/2008 10:00:55 AM ( 16 y ago)

I did not do anything yesterday, my pre-event day, that I had planned. It started when I intended to drink water and eat an apple as I had blogged. I logged off and I mechanically went about my morning, grabbed a diet coke and ate. . . I don't remember eating anything frankly. This is a classic illustration of one habit I'd like to leave behind as I stop drugging myself with food. I bounce from event to event, grabbing my pre-programmed crap, trying to find something, someone, some event that means anything to me. I am overlooking that it's all in that moment I grab something to ingest. I don't have to keep searching, I have to stop overlooking. Grabbing a glass of lemon water and an apple is paradise, on a very real and cellular level.

So I then, in the mental stupor that I call my reality, drove to work and did not stop by the dry cleaner to pick up my outfit for the day. I arrived to work in my workout gear, grabbing my bags as I got out of the car I realized that I had no outfit. Great. 25 minutes one way to the dry cleaner from work, 45 minutes one way back home from work. So, to the dry cleaners I went. (There goes my workout, there's an awesome facility at my job w/full showers, hot tub, steam, etc.) Did I mention that I wasn't showered. Man - this was going to be close.

Get to work, barely time to change, slap on my makeup, and arrange my hair into something passable. It was 90 miles an hour for the rest of the day, right up until the time I left. Ran from work to my therapy appt., then got home at 7:40 for dinner, Husband and family time til 9:30 - then bed.

So, this morning I've meditated for 20 minutes, had two apples, made breakfast for the kids. In about 20 minutes from now I will begin to suck on a quart of water with lemon like a pacifier - I will remind myself with each sip that I am getting cleansed with each sip.

I quit smoking, 13 years ago now, with a lot of mental retraining. Every time I saw someone smoking I'd say outloud "Thank goodness I don't smoke." I recited it in those moments for years. I still do it silently on occasion as I still find myself craving once in a very great while. I've learned that with each habit I'm opening doors that I may not be able to shut completely just because I want them shut. I have learned though that I can continue to shut them when they pop open. This is another door that I am learning to close, my dependence on junk food and sleepwalking through my life.

I have raw almonds for my mid-morning and my mid-afternoon snack, and a salad each for lunch and dinner. I also have baby carrots on hand for my sweet tooth. Cold-pressed olive oil and raw vinegar I have for the salad. I have cold-pressed flax seed oil I'm going to go take a shot of as soon as I log out.

Oop- husband just reminded me. Bills to be paid. Okay, shot of flax seed oil, lemon water at hand, bills to be paid. Menus to play with. This can be fun. I have 4, yes 4, raw recipe books - no excuses on why I can't have fun. Gosh, I'm doing the basics today and that's good enough. Tomorrow I can't bring it up a step. I signed up for an 8 hour meditation retreat for tomorrow - it's been a while and I can use it now more than ever. AFter that, maybe a yoga class.

Have a great day wherever you are, whatever you do! I will choose the same.

Love to all, love to me.



 

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