The garden is lonely for me, and I am lonely for the garden.

Date:   2/12/2008 11:35:54 AM ( 16 y ago)

9:07 AM
February 12, 08


Yikes!
Nightmare!

I was at Disneyland.
I had companions.
There is a major earthquake.
All these rocks are falling.

I don't get hit.
Some of my companions are wiped out.

My precious Olympus 5050C,
one of my dearest friends,
my camera, my treasure,
is lost.

I find another Olympus 5050C,
but I know it is not mine.

It belongs to someone else.
Mine is lost!

I cannot find my camera.

I am going to have to find the owner of the other
camera and return it to them
and also buy a new camera.

I wake up with heart pain.

What is all this about?????

Who am I living with?
Do they belong to me?
Do we belong together?
Are we the same kind of people?

What am I missing?

I have to live with gardeners.
At least, one gardener.

The weather is heating up.
It has been a very cold time.

Someone said one of my housemates was M.I.A.

I have been Missing in Action too!

Grief!

Undealt with grief!

My Winter garden strategy failed
I am sorry to say!!!!

Ang did some gardening recently,
but nothing seems to happen in the garden
unless I lead the charge.

Likely other things have been happening.
I am not aware. P has been doing good work
with the compost. We need to check in.

Frank, dear Frank!

I cannot say when last I have felt so much enthusiasm
evoked toward another RE: gardening.

He was writing me for months before he moved in.
He was wanting to come over and garden,
even if he did not move in!!!!

Then, he moved in.

He is in the Navy, but oh what Vision
for transforming the Military!!!

It evoked some old Peter Dukich dreams
of transforming the Navy and having food and compost on ships.

Frank moved in.

I was laying my garden hopes on his enthusiasm.

Then, the plan changed. His ship is going
to the Iraq area sooner than planned.

He is out at sea now practicing.

There is no time to garden.

When was he moving out????
It kept changing.
I could not deal with it, so I buried it.
I never processed the grief.
I had too much other stuff to deal with.

Now What????

Hot weather!

The EG Mobile has a plant sitting for days in the back compartment.
It needs to be watered.

The Job's Tears plants from PCOM.

They need to be watered.

The automatic watering.
It needs to be turned out.

I have been feeling....H...the H word...
The sap is rising!

My room:

Do I have the discipline to clean up,
even the bed??????

Did I do that yesterday, as planned???

No, a priority for the Organic Center came up.

What have I been doing with my time????

watching TV. late burying grief, and loneliness,
attempting to suppress feelings of wanting companionship.

The FM on Sunday was miserable.

Barry Logan and I and Jessica got into talking about
the goats, and the Billy Goat. Jessica is nursing.
She has a little one.

She was prancing in body language,
showing how the lady goats run from the Billly.

She tells me is is not 24/7, but is seasonal.

Oh My God, I am feeling the season.

I have got to get out there, in spite of my promises
and this window of opportunity to work in my room.

Anxieties, emotions,
deadlines, issues,
There is a hiatus..
and then there is always something
some pressure I can create in my head.

Desires to achieve, etc, etc.
Things to complete.

I am going to feel more and more miserable
if I do not deal with the records,
and more and more miserable if I do not get
out and water and deal with plants.

It comes when I am out of balance.

I am lonely for garden companions.

The garden is lonely for me.

__

To Do:

1. plant watering.

2. Who will garden now?
Who can I pay from outside???

3. What is up with P?

4. Need reinforcements, dear God.

5. Feeling a need to go visit Bill Tall at
City Farmers Nursery.

Got to get in the soil.

---

Appointment today:

Acupuncture at 2:45 PM

___

Also mini nightmare about
the Hummingbird...the nest
was destroyed...the babies
feel out....

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