My thoughts...

Date:   2/11/2008 2:16:00 PM ( 16 y ago)

Last night, I had the tune to "Sunday, bloody Sunday" going through my head. I attemtped to stop it and then "Haven't Found What I am Looking for" decided to replace it. The friend whose birthday was on Saturday, I called yesterday and we were talking about the show and U2 and more specifically, Bono and The Edge.

She said that "Haven't Found..." was her theme song. I told her, 'cancel, clear, delete'. She didn't want that to be her mantra. I said, "My perfect mate is on his way." She said okay, that used to be her theme song/mantra. She will change that.

So, while this song was attempting to go through my head. I decided to stop it and at first, did not succeed. After a few minutes, I just started singing "I AM". I had intended to think of something to go with it. Nothing did. I did not. I just kept singing and repeating "I AM". One other verse that came into it was "I AM the GREAT I AM".

Well, just a brief history note on me. I was born and raised into the Lutheran religion. My son was born and raised into the Lutheran religion. Up until 2005, definitely, I went to church when I could...worked on Sundays so at different times, it was difficult. In 2005, I stopped. When I decided to find another path, the Lutheran church did not 'fit me' anymore.

The reason I mention all this is to say, my stomach tightened in the beginning of me singing "I AM" and oh baby! when I had the 'audacity' to claim that "I AM the GREAT I AM". My body was going into overdrive! How dare I presume to say and actually believe that?!?!?!? I continued on though and move past those thoughts and feelings.

It did not suit my upbringing. My upbringing states I am seperate from the "GREAT I AM". I am a peon (be that as it may) next to God...although He made me?!. At any rate, I realize "I AM the GREAT I AM". My connection to Him (just my identification is a male title, it is not necessairly gender specific though) is my way of finding myself and coming back to Me!

Now, last night, when I went to bed, I had a conversation with God. I said I know We (You and I) can heal my body. We can heal the results of past behaviors. As well, We can clean this body out. I AM a Healthy, Slender, Magnificient Woman whose time on this Earth is to Live and Love and Share my life. I told Him I knew He could and will, if only I desire and believe with the faith of a mustard seed, to begin Healing on ALL levels of Me.

Today, I have been wondering why and if I truly desire to fast. I realize the answer is yes, just because I wish to see if I can do it...if I will do it. Also, I see my skin becomer softer and younger looking each day.

I also realize that for my body to become Healed, I do not have to do this, any longer. So, ultimately, I am going to stay on the fast and stay connected with God Source so that while I choose not to eat (or to have the fingerful of peanut butter) my body can allow its Healing in that time.

There are many who have become Healed by the grace of their desire and their connection with God. This will be Me.

When I desire (if I desire) to change the thought of being on a fast. I will. Although there are many who know I am on one, more than those who read this, so I wonder if I should not make it through the 30 days to say, yes, this can be done. I never thought 'teaching' was my calling, yet I realize when One 'walks their talk', they are teaching! So, as I type this, I see I will be on this fast for the 30 days, at least.

Thanks for reading this and my other posts. It helps me, in some kind of way, knowing that my thoughts are going beyond just me...sometimes.

I will write on the rest of my day, after work.

Have an Awe-filled Life!

Peace,
Beth

 

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