bad timing brings a change in plans, but plan to continue a healthy diet

Date:   1/30/2008 9:22:55 PM ( 16 y ago)

i'm kind of bummed, but i just realized i'm going to have to cut my fast off early. my tongue was starting to clear up, and i wish i could see it through until its done, but it turns out that this weekend is the weekend that my mom and my favorite aunt in the world are coming up - i adore them and hardly ever see my aunt, and i won't see her again for a while. unfortunately, they both have to be working during the day and we're mostly going to see eachother at night, and i really feel selfish not being able to go to dinner with them - even just going with them and sitting there and not eating .. it just seems weird and i feel bad doing that when i rarely see them, and i mentioned it to them and they were okay with it but i just feel bad in a weird way. so anyway, i've been having juice for the last 4 days anyway, so i'll break it with fruit tomorrow and work up to vegetables by friday. that way, i can go anywhere with them and just get a salad at a restaurant :)

i almost feel like this is good in its own way too though, because i'm not driven to really eat right now, and i feel like when i'm starting to eat again i can remember this and realize how little i really do need and how to eat to be healthy, instead of huge portions for "recreational" eating. this fast was amazing, and i've noticed many changes in my body. mostly, i'm thankful that it was so eye opening to my addiction to eating - i knew i was an emotional eater, but it was like i NEEDED it. it was like it was impossible to say no, and now i have just re-realized how amazing the body is and how harmful i was being to it by stuffing it with such junk.

i will weigh in tomorrow morning for my final weight before i eat any fruit, and i'm taking it slow from there. i want to be gentle with my body after this, and i've just learned to appreciate it so much more. i feel weird saying this, but its like i'm so proud of myself and my body for taking on this big challenge, and i feel horrible, like i've mistreated it for so long, and especially over the past year. realizing what it is capable of and how amazing it is, i really want to eat only what is best for it, and i'd like to try to continue with a raw diet. i know this will not always be possible in certain situations, but it makes all of the difference knowing that i am eating primarily raw, so that i'll see indulgent food as a treat rather than something i need, and i can go back to the raw food afterwards. my biggest fear is that i'll binge - right now i couldnt imagine doing that, but i'm just a little afraid that my appetite will come back roaring. still though, i think one of the greatest things i've learned on this fast is my self control, and that i don't have to give in to my psychological addiction to eating when i'm feeling different emotions. i know that breaking the fast is difficult because suddenly the appetite appears again, but i am aware of how detrimental it is to all that i have done for the past 10 days, many of which were very trying, if i just pig out - even on fruit. so i'll just excercise my selfcontrol a bit more, and take it very slow with everything.

i'd like to continue my journal in my post fast days and even for a few weeks following just to keep track of how i am doing post fast and how my diet has changed. i'm starting my "bootcamp" excercise class 2 days a week next week with my friend, and i plan to workout at least 2 other days of the week by myself, so i'll have plently of energy for that now that i'm eating.

after reading so much about fasting during the last 10 days, i'd like to begin a process of a weekly or bi weekly fast - one or two days of the week for which i'll water or juice fast. it seems extremely benefitial, and in combination with a more raw, organic diet i think i could really find myself at the best place for me. sundays/mondays seem like the best days to do this, and i'll start trying it out in a few weeks, after i give myself a bit of time to adjust.

i've proven to myself that i can face one of the biggest challenges both psychologically and physically for myself, and i know that anything else as a challenge - like a more raw diet- involving my eating will be easier after this. its amazing that after only 10 days, i'm aware of how fragile my digestive system, my body, and everything that goes on inside of it is, and nothing about pizza or muffins or sugar seems appealing to me! this was a huge learning experience, and i'm so grateful i did it - it was nothing like my master cleanse last year. coming off of it, my self control was so exhausted and i was so ravenous that i ate 10 times worse than i wold ever think to before my cleanse. everything about this is different - i am in tune with my mind and my body, and i'm not out to make up for what i didnt get to eat during my fast. i'm looking forward to a new chapter of my life, and this was an AMAZING starting point!

i think one of my biggest problems is portion control and emotional eating - i just keep eating and eating, to the point of serious discomfort. it was ridiculous. going to restaurants was perfect, because i'd get my huge plate - the servings are always 2 or 3 times the amount you should ever be able to eat - and get to eat everything. my goal for this post fast to keep maintaining is that when eating out, i'll just eat half and then either leave or take home the rest for an entire separate meal.

thank you for all of the support - it got me through some low points!

 

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