Day 20 Was introspection on the agenda!?! by trulioness .....

Of course silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!!

Date:   1/29/2008 11:33:26 PM ( 14 y ago)

Day 20 YEAH!!

I must admit, I feel good to have gone this far. I really do. I am proud to have kept a commitment to myself. It seems as if I am always being reminded of “commitment and accountability” these days as I had to get my exercise in at 2am this morning because I didn’t “feel like” doing it….but I knew I had do it in order to be able to respect myself so I knocked it out. I will most likely be exercising in the middle of the night tonight too because I BS’d. I have to try harder to do it earlier in the day.

I realized that if I am up after 10pm that is when the thoughts of “being hungry” kick in, but drinking water usually chases those feelings away. I read somewhere that people often mistake the feeling of being thirsty for hunger and that we should drink more water when we think we are hungry… so I anticipate the habit of drinking plenty of water into my everyday life. I had a strong desire to eat for about 15 minutes and I wanted an orange or something. I was on my way to the drive-in but it was raining pretty hard so I did a u-turn to go home and pulled into a grocery store parking lot. My inner voice said loudly “Girl Please... you know better!” So I kept right on going and I am grateful I did. Satan I rebuke thee!!! (LOL)

The white coating on my tongue has decreased but there is a place on the center of my tongue that won’t go away and it is annoying because I can feel it when my mouth is closed! I hope it disappears soon. Still no BM on my own, I took an enema today, and it feels good after. A little came out still, it seems that the amount decreases each time so I suppose that is a good thing. I am going for a small intestine cleanse so that should be interesting.

I almost forgot!!!! I had another AHAA moment... I realized that my whole family is what black people call "thick" but let's just keep it real.. we are fat!! (**smiling prefusly LOL!) By fat I don't mean morbidly obese where we have to carry our stomachs around on wheel barrels, but we eat pretty good and not usually the healthiest food, it is normal and everyone accepts one another. The thing is, I was constantly told that I would grow up to look like them and my mom would say when I was young "I don't want you to wear a size 20 to the prom!" I have never been close to a size 20 but I always thought thickness was in my genes (it is in my jeans all right!)but I realized that this is just a belief and a choice of lifestyle. I don't have to accept their truth and make it mine! If you understand the power of thoughts and the power of belief then you know what I mean. I let their beliefs create in my experience and I choose now to no longer accept that. There is nothing that dictates that I have to be fat or skinny because of the thoughts or actions of another. I choose to change the way I see myself and my relationship with food! We all have choice! How ya like me now???? Yeah my teacher always says realization means to "make real" and I am going to MAKE IT REAL!

My energy has been like a yo-yo and I really don’t think it is about the fast, I think it has more to do with dealing with excitement (or lack thereof) in my vocation. I have written about satisfaction of a career, and I am still exploring what it is that I want to do. I have had to ask myself if I am not completely satisfied with real estate because it requires so much for a person to be successful. By that I mean being disciplined, tenacious, organized, consistent, prepared, focused and the ability to function like a business owner. Now rattling this off you may think that it is required of every job, but let’s face it, a JOB is a lot different that being a one woman corporation. I have to dig deep to see if I don’t like it because it is forcing me to grow and become stronger in certain areas or is it just “not my thing.” I think the answer may be that I have just been a little lazy and I must decide if I am willing to do what it takes to get what I want? Life is so very interesting… and what is most amazing is that I know if I quit now, I will just be presented with more of the same opportunities to expand and grow and live a life without excuses…. We can’t run from ourselves!!!!!

I told you! Accountability is EVERYWHERE around me!

So on top of all this “GROWING” I recognize I am going to have to change the way I shop and prepare meals. I am excited about healthier food choices and know that I have to become a little more educated about how I can best transition.

This is a very interesting time for me and I am grateful for this experience. I am learning a lot about myself and I intend to only get better.

This is really about doing what I know to be best for me. Why is it that what is best sometimes “seems” to be the most painful? Maybe there needs to be a PERCEPTION change… or simply appreciation….

Something to think about….


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