Ariella Shira asked me what my Birthday Plan is...I woke up just now feeling some sense of creating one. Soilmates Gathering here this Sunday. Maybe some Poetry Sat eve, right here right now. I will invite some friends Doesn't matter how many come. Maybe have some kids over. My inner child loves playing with kids.

Date:   11/14/2007 7:40:53 AM ( 17 y ago)

5:11 AM
November 14, 07

I have been so immersed in doing the Pacific Symposium
for the last five weeks or so, that I haven't considered
a birthday plan.

My 60th Birthday is November 19.
That falls on a Monday this year.

AriellaShira, one of my dearest friends,
left a message last night.
"What is your Birthday Plan?"

Oh My God! I wasn't sure I would
be getting through the Symposium!
It was really a nightmarish event to plan for,
especially with my insane and uncontrollable
tendencies to work too hard and do too many things.

I have the disease of Genius; Genius is a state of
ADD, inspired by too many inner voices from too many
Spirit Guide Teams all standing in line wanting to help.

I person has to become the ultimate authority in their own life,
and learn to be the "Management" of their own "Garden of Consciousness."

It is O.K. to be in loving relationship with others. It becomes
shameful when too much attention is going out toward another
and not enuf in. Of late, I have been cultivating my own inner
relationship. I have been taking my own inner children into my own
arms and reassuring them I am here for them.

I spend some horrific team with my father toward the end of summer,
and saw too much of my self in his monster behavior. The entire
world of his stability centers around his attachment to his wife,
my step mother. He values this connection more than the connection
to his children. He values his relationship to those who will give him
positive strokes, the people who he prays for. He does not care about
the condition of his apartment. He doesn't have it in his consciousness
to take out the trash. He does not separate holy objects from trash,
they all end up in the same unconscious piles near hemorrhoid medicines.

God Bless him. He is truly a holy servant of God, and has no life of his
own. He never grew up emotionally. He must have fallen on his head
as a kid.

I am little better in the love department.
I would do anything for a bit of affection and attention
from outside.

All that is shifting now.
I have been very upset over my own behavior.
It was bothering my own Self Esteem.
I haven't had much for more than four months or more
with all the decluttering around here, helping my father,
an intense computer crash, and body pains telling me
I had to shift my life style.

I want to walk.
I want to strengthen and let my muscles loosen up.
I want to be open to fulfillment my life's work.

I am not a person who wants to isolate when the
crisis hits. OF course, I need more alone time than outer time,
but I want loved ones in my life that can let me in when
they are hurting, not keep me out.

I want consistency in love.
I am no longer willing to be let in and then kicked out.
I have outgrown that. It is my own stuff. I can live
with a woman saying "I am taking Space." I understand
the need for taking Space. I understand what it feels like
to not feel well.

I believe that love and pleasure is in itself healing
to what ails us.

I want to get into health improvements in my own life
through dealing with my Achilles heal, doing too much.

I do not want to spend too much time grieving the same old losses
that are triggered through that pattern that finally has taught me
I am already a family man...I have more than enough inner kids screaming
for hugs. I need to make sure they are safe. They do not like
me doing as my father has done...abandoning his family.

It has been a wonderful ride in many ways for all these decades.
Now, it is time for more simple fulfillments that can only come
through doing less deeper.

For Less Les, do less. More is less.

I recently have been spending a little time observing
Tiffany Hansen, the program director for the Pacific Symposium.
She is a woman who feels she can do anything.
Total confidence in her abilities.

She has really been something to watch going behind her limits
doing the Pac Symposium. Granted she is only in her early 30's.

Birthday Plan?

The Results beyond all the breakdown at Pac Symposium
were signals for the next year and beyond.

IT is the beginning of a new cycle, and a new life.

60-80... those were the prime years for Bernard Jensen,
who I see as my spiritual father.

I am going to have a Soilmates gathering here on Sunday afternoon.
I am going to City Farmers' Nursery on Saturday...and have some
leisure time.

I am going to give myself some leasure time,
and be grateful for what I have.

Part of what I have is the ability to take out the trash.

I am going to do that.



 

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