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Was up till 3am last night.
Despite having less than 3 hours of sleep. I actually don't feel tired. I am having one of those very surreal mornings.
Date: 5/8/2015 11:32:09 AM ( 9 y ) ... viewed 1080 times Perhaps it was all that coconut oil (MCT) that I had yesterday plus a few glasses of mineral/vitamin concoctions. My minds seems clearer as well. Maybe the chaotic thoughts and emotions were just from the sudden infusion of nutrients overwhelming my brain circuitry. Or body saying enough fasting already. lol. I can't remember if I mentioned in my previous post but I've felt a systemic inflammation flare up the last couple of days. So that's enough about my body. That's about all the time I want to give to my ego otherwise I could go on and on analyzing and really getting nowhere.
On to more exciting things---the spiritual stuff.
Quite a surreal morning I am having. First of all want to mention my gratitude. Having these mornings of peace and quiet to meditate/pray/reflect has been transformational these past 2-3 years. I gave up my professional career to focus on what mattered most to me---God and family. (Just having an AHA moment. This surreal moment is getting even more surreal) Up until this moment when I say "giving up my professional career" I associate it with a loss!!! A loss I have been trying to rationalize with mentally but my heart seemed not completely convinced. Yes it IS a loss from my ego's perspective. My career had an attached value. To my EGO this meant success, achievement, power...SPECIALNESS! I sacrificed so much to accomplish what I did to get that far. Statistically I broke the odds in so many ways. It was my proof that I WAS SPECIAL AND WORTHY. My way of coping with feelings of sadness and emptiness that living in this world brings.
You know how in my previous posts I mentioned how songs can have meaning. I feel they can be Divine communications. Well yesterday, I heard this old song while driving. They probably played it from time to time but I just never noticed hearing it on the radio. Only time I seem to hear it is on American Idol or The Voice. It's "Creep" by Radiohead. I like the song. I totally get it but it's not what I prefer to listen to because of the negativity. As a matter of fact, I listened to it just a bit and then changed stations as I naturally seek uplifting songs. So, it wasn't the last song in my head but it just kept popping up in my mind.
"...But I'm a creep. I don't belong here.."
Through the night it was still there. Even after falling asleep I woke up a couple of times remembering that phrase. When I woke up this morning it still kept on. I even said to my son, "I don't know why this song is stuck in my head."
As I was skimming through my ACIM book this morning a lesson was brought to my attention.
Lesson 200
"There is no peace except the peace of God"
4. Come home. You have not found your happiness in foreign places and in alien forms that have no meaning to you, though you sought to make them meaningful. This world is not where you belong. You are a stranger here. But it is given you to find the means whereby the world no longer seems to be a prison house or jail for anyone.
5. Freedom is given you where you beheld but chains and iron doors. But you must change your mind about the purpose of the world, if you would find escape."
When I read the words "This world is not where you belong." my jaw dropped. I went back to the song and looked at the lyrics...
"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so f***in' special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here"
WOOOWW. Looking at it has so many profound things for me that it is beyond explanation.
I am going to just quietly let this all sink in and will update with more insights. Too many dots connecting. Mind blowing!
By the way if anyone is interested in the full lesson here is the link...
http://www.acim.org/Lessons/lesson.html?lesson=200
I want to leave you all with a most profound song for me in the midst of last year's transformation.
Madness by Muse
"...Now I have finally seen the light. Now I have finally realized. I need to looooove"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmg3yCDidNI
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