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Letting go
Important turning point for me as I let go of my own personal expectation with this fast. I give up control to the Holy Spirit to lead me.
Date: 4/25/2015 2:12:45 AM ( 9 y ) ... viewed 592 times 12:12 am
3 rounds of fasting since March 30 (had to correct that. Put April earlier. Brain fog). I been mostly preoccupied with the body analyzing what everything means. At this moment I feel the raucous of the ego has been silenced long enough for me to ask God what is my role/purpose in this world? I wait quietly for my Father, my Teacher, My guide to reveal what I need to know that I may fulfill my purpose according to His plan and not mine.
I asking God to give me guidance with this fast.
Should I end the dry fast today or are there more insights and revelations to discover through this abstinence? In this moment, I direct my attention and thoughts only to recognize the Voice of God. I wait for Him with certainty of His answer.
2am
I woke up 10 minutes to 2. Interestingly, as I have been asking whether to end the dry fast I had a thought enter my head. Late last night for some reason my kids were bugging me for family time watching a movie. I picked "Noah" with Russel Crowe. Initially my two oldest were resistant saying it has low ratings of 1 or 2 stars in Netflix. I said well I kinda have wanted to see it. Maybe it's because they didn't really stick to the Bible and made the movie more like it was inspired by Noah from the bible. Let's give it a chance and have no expectation placed on it. Just like any regular movie. We watch it a bit and if they didn't like it we would just quit the movie. So we got to watch part of it only because they we started the movie late and only one of the kids was left awake. One of the things said in the movie that stood out was when Noah said:
"Water cleanses. It separates the foul from the pure. What is pure rises."
Well wen I woke up just before 2am that phrase popped in my head. So I took that as God saying to me to have a drink. So I had a few sips of water. (FYI I officially completed 100 hours of dry fasting at 2am).
4am
I tried getting some sleep. I tossed and turned a little but my quads were bothering me and I've been itching a bit. Hands, scalp (even ears), back, chest, stomach...pretty much everything but my legs. Earlier last night the itching started with arches of my foot abdomen.
So, it's pretty darn early but I am gonna try a coffee enema and see if that could clear things up.
Interesting sign from above. Okay, since being on the treadmill late in the afternoon yesterday I was thinking of stopping the dry fast but not certain what time to do it. I knew completing 4 days would be at 96 hours but I have this thing with numbers over since last year. Seeing repeating numbers have been divine signs. So I thought of 99 but a part of me just also thought how about 100? Power of 1 and 0. Unity and infinity. I thought well that would be at 2am. I was just sending my aunt a message about completing the fast at 100 hours which is 4 days and 4 hours. I was quite surprised how that worked out. 44 has been a huge number since last year (the year I turned 44). I am constantly seeing repeating 4s especially 44.
Wow that was just so cool. I feel divine presence when I get signs.
HOLY MOLY It's 4:44am right now I'm talking about it! (battery at 28% = 2+8=10)
WHAT DA!!!!
CHIIIILLLS
Freaking out amazed!
You cannot make this stuff up. Synchronicity!
Absolutely divine.
DEEP GRATITUDE!!! For the communication and guidance of Spirit. I LOVE IT!!! How the heck can you not get pumped when that happens?
AAAHHHMAZING!
Just looking back at this post earlier today.
12:12 (1+2=3) ...3:3
and then the first line I entered:
"3 rounds of fasting since March 30"
3 - 3 - 30
"Threes supposedly means truth and is a sign of the trinity. Mind, body, and spirit. Three becoming one. Angels love, protect, and surround you and the union is complete. Angels are in your midst. Think of 333 as an equilateral triangle, with each of the sides and points being equal."
SYNCHRONICITY BABY!
11am
my back is feeling so much better. I still have this bit of lingering ache but big difference from last night. After my 4 am coffee enema the itching pretty much all but stopped. I have some scalp itchiness occasionally. I'm trying to replenish my minerals. I have been thinking about these roasted seaweed from Costco (thinner than paper). I had some at about 7am. I like that it's mineral rich and has good amount of iodine. I went back to sleep for about an hour and a half. I could've probably slept more but the kids were just running in and out of my room, conflicts, little one crying, waking me up and I can hear my husband losing his patience as well. So we having pretty much been in cleaning mode but I feel tension building up as everyone seems edgy. I know I need to have my quiet time, pray, and set intentions for a peaceful and relaxing day in our home. Off I go.
BTW this morning I was at 130.4lbs 28% BF (strange jump in BF) but weight still down. Ketosis levels still at max.
Oh just remembered an interesting moment I had late last night while watching the Noah movie. I was doing my foam rolling and stretching. For the first time I looked at my legs and felt deep gratitude for how it has allowed me to experience so much. All the years of walking, hiking, running, dancing, working, and just being able to function in this world. I realized at this moment I was busy rejecting, criticizing, wishing I was different. I genuinely felt at peace and grateful of the strength and resilience of my body considering all that it has been through. This is how I want my relationship to be with my body. Not frustrated with it but instead honoring, appreciating, loving it because the body is the temple of my Spirit. How I feel about my body is reflective of how I feel about my Self (which is so much more than the temporary vehicle we use in this lifetime). As ACIM explains, every thought or decision is an expression of love or a calling out for love. This fast has made me realize so much. I have great passion for loving others and yet for myself the complete opposite. It's time to heal that part of my life. And I don't mean just taking care of myself like going on vacations, pampering, etc. I mean the deep deep loving appreciation and acceptance of the Truth of Who I am. Not with arrogance but in humility Knowing I am Heir to The Almighty Father---My Creator. Peace and happiness are rightfully mine, just as it is equally for every brother and sister. That is not meant in an exclusive religious sense but in totality without exception.
3pm
Feeling rather tired. I've pretty much stayed in bed most of the day taking brief naps. Feeling very unmotivted and just wanting to sleep the day away. Feeling winded with simple activity such as loading the washing machine.
late update:
I was just too tired yesterday. Fatigue level is that like the flu just without all the other stuff. I would sleep an hour or two and then wake up for a bit and go back to sleep. I felt pretty thirsty through most of the day and cold. Since I had my first sip of water breaking the fast I just started to feel colder in general. I don't know if there's any connection but I was staying under my electric blanket cranked up to high and wishing I could still turn it up.
For the most part I had seaweed various times through out the day. At one point late in the afternoon or was it early in the evening I did warm up some spinach leaves with hemp seeds (still within low enough of temp. that's considered raw). Here's the thing, there were cooked fajita strips of meat right in plain sight. I thought I'd add a few strips. Yeah I know I'm supposed to ease into refeeding. I have an iron stomach and all the fasting and master cleans I've done and I've never ever gotten sick in any method of refeeding I've done. The only thing I might suffer is being full. So I ate that meal and Lord Have Mercy. Those strips of meat were sooooo unbelievably delicious...dare I say the "O" word. Lol. I could barely keep myself upright from the taste knocking me over. My daughter was cracking up watching me eat. Now here was the problem...it was sooo good I had to have a few more pieces. Then before you know it, I had more than I should have eaten. The interesting thing I think I mentioned before, after fasting your stomach has shrunk but your mind still associates eating with the quantity it is used to having. Even though I scaled down quite a bit, I still overestimated how much to eat. I WAS PRETTY FULL.
So closing out, I did not go to the gym at all. I had nothing in me to even step out of my house. Since I stopped dry fasting my weight fluctuated already up about almost 2 pounds to 132 and 28% BF. I know I've consumed quite a bit of salt (seaweed) and don't know how long it will take to stabilize things. This is the first time I've actually thought of not adding salt to my food. I usually sprinkle himalayan sea salt but I am going to try to retrain my palate for really more natural way of eating food.
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