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Day 5 - Feeling better
I'm better from yesterday but still struggling. I am so very tempted to take a pain pill but I am not gonna do it. BTW noticeable cognitive impairment with memory, concentration, word finding, constructing thoughts and expressing verbally or on computer. So please understand if I'm seeming off. Well, the last few entries have probably been off.
Date: 4/16/2015 2:00:03 PM ( 9 y ) ... viewed 560 times Thank God my headache became tolerable and I was able to get some sleep. I think I knowcked out about 9-9:30pm. Last night was a blur. I remember getting my kids to bed and telling them it was already 8:30pm. Ohh I do remember watching TV and having the urge to munch on something...(popcorn and a movie effect). The feeling started to build up as I started to get a sense of deprivation and for a moment my mind rationalized that I've been so good for so long why not. I do deserve it. An awareness kicked in and I shot that thought down right away. What the heck! Old habitual thought patterns. I felt a moment of powerlessness and I reminded myself that my strength is in God. I have fasted...even dry fasted so I know what I'm capable of. I was stronger than a little insignificant urge like that. I thought of what one act of snacking would stir up lots of negative thoughts and emotions. I wasn't going down that road of guilt/shame/regret. Snacking in front of the TV is not so much the issue. It could've been a few pieces of healthy almonds. What would the big deal be? It's the conflict of doing something that is contrary to the plan I had with fasting. I turned off the TV and lights. I knew I needed sleep. As tired as I was, my mind (that ego) was yapping away. I remembered my lessons from ACIM and silenced the ego. I fell asleep.
About 3:30am I woke up headache wasn't bad. I felt it only on the right side. I made myself some water with Fulvic/Humic Ionic minerals and Alkaline booster. I think I also had some Magnesium calm in water. During that time my oldest son went to the kitchen and told me he had a bad headache and his throat was painful. Shortly after my daughter (#2) came out to the kitchen and said she had been sneezing too. Doctor mode kicked in so I was up for awhile taking care of them. I fell back to sleep around 5am. I had such a hard time waking up. I definitely had a headache again. Not as bad but I was bummed that I thought it was on the way to being resolved. This time I took 1 tsp. activated charcoal in water and did my first coffee enema. I was amazaed how quickly my headache disappeared. Unfortunately it very slowly started to creep back up from about 30 minutes of headache being gone.
I have some insight regarding what appears to be detox symptoms. I will share this later. I have my oldest and youngest child at home so taking care of their needs are on top of my to do list right now. I also need to go make the middle two their lunches and drop it off at school.
4:30
Well, the day turned out to be more interesting. I was thinking about what was causing all this stuff getting quite preoccupied with the body. I stopped and went back to my ACIM book asking God for guidance. You know my oldest son took a pain pill to help him cope with his headache. I said to him that I wish I could take one. He said well maybe this is a sign for you to stop fasting. Hmmmm. I took his comment as perhaps the Holy Spirit is giving me guidance. So I decided to use my Omega juice extractor to use on celery. I drank 4 ounces plain. Wooowww. I'm not a celery juice kinda gal but I actually enjoyed the taste. Delicious. I've had it plain before and honestly never could say it was enjoyable. I just knew it was good for my body. I drank another 3 ounces with 1/2 the juice of a lime. It makes me salivate just describing the experience. After 20-30 minutes I seemed to be feeling a bit better. Perhaps psychological? I don't know. I still had a headache and thought maybe sweating out toxins in the sauna might be a good idea. I was a bit reluctant because I was thinking there was a chance it could exacerbate the problem. I went ahead. Lo and behold I ran into that fella that I mentioned a few days ago. He was into his book again. He saw me but didn't say anything. Hmmm. I thought either he didn't like how our conversation went the last time or he just doesn't want to be disturbed. I sat there quietly. Opened my ACIM book and randomly opened to Lesson 190. (I'll talk more about that in a bit). After 5 min or so he asked me if I was the person he talked to in sauna before coz he wasn't sure. He said he didn't want to be rude and stare. lol. I said well I have my hair pulled back in a ponytail so I can see how I might look differently. But quietly inside I also knew the fast and dropping weight makes a marked difference on my face. I didn't want to mention the fasting bit coz I wasn't feeling like going into that discussion. Anyway, I asked how he was doing since we last talked. He said he was doing better and went on to explain that he made some kind of breakthrough. I could actually see a big difference in his body language/energy. Last time he seemed more tense, a bit agitated, or wound up. This time he appeared relax and more at peace. He said he had been focused on helping others and now was working on himself. We didn't talk too long he was ready to get out of he sauna. I did mention to him I had been keeping him in my prayers. He said he was so grateful and that he believes it has helped him a lot. He asked if I continue doing it. Of course I gladly agreed.
I sat there alone in the sauna and thought wow another miracle just happened. That is the kind of experience that gets me high. The other thing was lesson 190 in ACIM. It was exactly what i needed to read.
190
"I choose the joy of God instead of Pain"
I have been studying ACIM almost 3 years was something I couldn't wrap my brain around a year ago, two years ago... But it resonated so much today. What I say may or may not make any sense. I don't want to make anyone think I am invalidating or diminishing another persons physical pain. But this is my revelation for myself, I realized how much emphasis/power I gave to the body and the experience of pain. I realized that I diminished the power of God. Why wouldn't God's power be stronger than any pain I have. My free will to believe in it. I gave it power. In doing so I gave up my power as a Child of God. So I just kept repeating that phrase whether I completely understood the meaning or not.
"I choose the joy of God instead of pain".
I moved to the wet sauna to just hydrate/moisten my respiratory system and rinse off any stuff on my skin. A couple of minutes in there and I started to feel an increase of pressure in my head and had difficulty breathing. I went out and decided to get on the treadmill. I felt pretty weak but I thought just a slow walk to get circulation going. At a pace of 2.5, my body felt lethargic and heavy. I was having difficulty breathing. I then remembered the phrase. "I choose the joy of God instead of pain." I also started thinking about what just happened with the fella I ran into. What a wonderful miracle. I started to walk faster and had that stupid big smile on my face. Pretty soon I felt energized and increased my pace to 3.3. Wooooww I was feeling good. A voice in my head was thinking should I even dare to try and run? I got so pumped up I went for it and ran at 5.4 for two minutes. I just really see how the power of our mind/will is when we are connected to Source. I went home and juice extracted 2 medium zucchini and 1/2 of a very small apple (all organic). It came out to 6 ounces. Woooww I wasn't expecting it to taste that good. That little bit of an apple was so flavorful. I love that about the Master Cleanse or fasting. It really helps to reset your perceptions/senses. After about an hour I got a bit excited and was prepping food for my kids. I had a cucumber/tomato/red onion salad that was already made. I took a few slices of everything. I made sure to chew very very well and eat slowly. I know it seems I'm going to quickly. I've always had a strong stomach when transitioning back to whole foods. No problem. It is more the mental/emotional/psychological aspect is more my concern. I really have to stay present/aware. I'm also more careful with quantity even if it is raw foods (veggies/fruit). I also cooked quite a meal for dinner. Hubby mentioned breakfast foods for dinner. So it was bacon, hot dogs, eggs, and rice. Now no matter what a health nut you are, you gotta admit bacon is damn delicious unless you are disgusted by the thought of pork or animal as food in general. I don't eat much meat but I enjoy the taste of it. So initially I wrestled with the idea of having a taste. I started to think about why I was feeling conflicted. I allowed myself to accept a belief that bacon is a powerful temptation. I know this might sound incredibly stupid but as soon as I became aware, I just willingly let go of that thought, and instead remembered how strong I am. I have free will to choose. In that lies my power. I cooked the rest of the food and interestingly I didn't feel deprived or conflicted. I was actually okay with it.
Anyway, if anyone is interested in reading the lesson from ACIM here is the link:
http://www.acim.org/Lessons/lesson.html?lesson=190
FYI weight fluctuated today with highest at 137 lbs. It might seem like no progress since that hasn't really changed for a couple of days but the body fat percentage was much lower by about 4%. My lowest weight was at 135.6 lbs and 23.8% body fat. Urinalysis tests shows everything negative except ketones at 40mg/dL and pH at most acidic level of 5.
I still have a mild headache and feeling tired now. I'm gonna try to see if I can nap. I will try and update one more time for this day.
9:22pm
I didn't get a nap in. There was just too much going on in my house and the headache just started getting worse. My husband also had a headache and was checked out into his own electronic/TV world. My two little ones frequent need for attention and having to referee them was wearing me down. I actually had a mommy melt down moment. Fortunately it was almost close to bed time. I got them off to bed and decided to do a coffee enema and Re-read ACIM lesson 190. I am feeling so much better. Setting intentions for good deep sleep and feeling renewed. Good night.
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