Blog: Floating the Abyss
by SoulfulSurvivor

The "p 0 r n Factor"

Graphic p 0 r n encourages violence and abuse

Date:   4/26/2011 8:01:03 AM   ( 10 y ) ... viewed 18252 times

How does hard-core p 0 r nography factor into domestic violence and abuse? Again, my use of CAPS indicates emphasis, not shouting.

Human sexuality is a very interesting aspect of the whole Self. It is a fragile aspect that can be warped beyond comprehension, and the availability of in-home hard-core p 0 r n has defined the perceptions of an entire generation.

"To each his own," is a response that many victims of domestic violence and abuse give when the question of hard-core p 0 r n in relation to sexua| activities within the relationships was raised. One woman who is still with her abuser used this excuse when her 3rd Grade daughter took a stack (several) hard-core p 0 r n magazines to school, one day. "She must have set her school books on top of them and picked them up by accident," was the lame and dismissive explanation of how the materials got into her backpack. Please. The problem with this point of view is that it excuses perversions and demeaning demands without taking into consideration a) the nature of the p 0 r n industry, b) the lifelong impact that p 0 r n can have on an individual, and c) the images that place women (typically) in degrading, painful, and objectifying sexua| situations.

Get this straight: "adult actors" are paid a chunk of change to perform sex acts that they might not normally engage in during their "normal" sexua| activities. A great percentage of "actors" are underaged and drug-addicted. There is a huge difference between "eroticism" and typical hard-core p 0 r n. The former explores the sharing of pleasures and employing imagination. The latter defines what is typically demeaning and objectifying as "normal" and requires no imagination.

In my case, and through my experiences with other victims and Survivors, p 0 r n played a specific part in the overall dynamics of the relationship. When I began dating the former abuser, I had no idea that he was addicted to disturbing p 0 r n, nor that he was a pervert. My first experience of hard-core p 0 r n was during a "party" that was hosted at his friend's home with the wedding party. Indeed, it was a huge turnon, and my feelings about p 0 r n had not yet been formed - I dodn't know the true "nature of the business" and, in a million years, could not have foreseen the impact that it would have on my Self.

As I've mentioned, once the contract of marriage was final, things began to change at a progressive rate. The abuser would make frequent references to the purported sexua| activities of other people that we knew. I found this distasteful, but my objections were ignored while the ,abuser would accuse me of being a prude, turning into an amoeba, having gone "lesbo," etc. The abuser's references to my sexuality in relationto what he viewed as "normal" in hard-core p 0 r n images was relentless, and his appetite for more violent and disturbing images intensified. He wanted more "variety" and "excitement" and began to harangue me to do what he had seen in videos.

Before I became pregnant, I experienced the first of many episodes of spousal rape. Without going into details, I will say that it was the definative moment in our sexua| relationship that remained pervasive until I finally demanded a divorce almost 15 years later. It was humiliating, painful, and I was told by the abuser that "all women fantasize about being raped," as if this behavior was acceptable.

Later in the relationship, the abuser began to demand that we bring a second man into our bed, and he was relentless about this, as well. He would make overt sexua| references in front of our children as to how I would be "trading some fun" in order for him to "allow" me tp purchase groceries, birthday presents, Christmas presents, school clothes, pay utility bills/mortgage, etc.

During the years that I spent being objectified, I rationalized the abuser's absurd and abusive behaviors, across the board. I was "stuck" with this man, for better or worse, and RATIONALIZATION was a method of daily survival. If I could provide an excuse, then life could go on. I did not know then what it took me years to learn: he was a Bad Person with no redeeming qualities, whatsoever. No, none.

Some examples of what I (and, my children on occasion) heard:
* all women fantasize about being raped
* if you don't want to _____, there's something WRONG with you
* women control men with their vaginas
* if I had a p#ssy, I'd use it every day
* what I want is NORMAL. You are ABnormal because you won't satisfy your husband
* you've turned asexual
* you've gone lesbo
* you like horses because of their big d#cks
* you KNOW what you have to do if you want these kids to eat
And, so on.

When we got a PC and internet service, the abuser had found a source of violent p 0 r nography at his command, including child p 0 r n, snuff p 0 r n, bestiality, and the like. This was about the time when I threw in the towel, and demanded a divorce.

It cannot be emphasized strongly enough that p 0 r n isn't a representatation of a healthy secxual relationship, and graphic images can destroy a human being's perception of sexuality. Graphic and objectifying p 0 r n also fosters the overblown sense of entitlement that abusers express: SHE did it, so YOU will do it, if you "love" me. Children who are exposed to p 0 r nography of any type have their sexua| identities and perceptions damaged, forever, because they are not at the point of development to process the visual information that they are absorbing.

But, what about other cultures where people live in the same room and people are having sex? This is a cultural aspect that has nothing to do with sexua| objectification. Accepting and condoning sexua| objectification, depravity, and violence with the rationalization, "To each his own," is helping in cultivating and perpetuating the cycle of domestic violence and abuse. Nearly all p 0 r n portrays women as objects to be used and abused and discarded. With all of the graphic p 0 r n available at the touch of a keyboard, it's no wonder that the cycle is spiralling out of control. At one time, a person who wanted to view live sex and "blue mvies"was obliged to travel to a specific place, usually located in questionable places, and risked identification. Today, people can access p 0 r n at work, and on their cell phones. Look back in history and the fall of every great nation occurred as morals, ethics, and boundaries were obliterated by greed, lust for power, and permissive depravity.

And, I hope that readers understand that I do NOT dislike or loathe sex - quite the opposite. But, I have learned the difference between eroticism and graphic p 0 r n and the actual spirituality of enjoying a healthy relationshipbis not based on graphic objectifying imagery.

Brightest blessings!

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Comments (18 of 18):
Re: I stayed becau… msavo… 8 y
Re: Non-romantic N… Soulf… 10 y
Re: Accepting "Tru… Soulf… 10 y
Re: Accepting "Tru… Athin… 10 y
Indeed, no remedy.… Soulf… 10 y
Re: False Hope kerminator 10 y
what the heck?! SoulfulSu… 10 y
ACK! Double post… Soulf… 10 y
Re: Fear and Explo… womba… 10 y
This IS a touchy s… Soulf… 10 y
Powerlessness of C… Soulf… 10 y
Re: Spirituality, … Soulf… 10 y
Re: Spirituality, … #1161… 10 y
Re: The "Sex Facto… Soulf… 10 y
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Re: Divide, Conque… Soulf… 10 y
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