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Feeling depression, advice from an ally
Feeling depression, advise from an ally...
Garden Management Journal of feelings...entry from the early morning....
Date: 2/17/2011 2:26:59 PM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 31214 times
MORNING REPORT
EMOTIONAL CHECK IN
This is profound.
I was up with very positive energy
for at least two hours early this morning.
I wrote this blog.
Then, I went back to bed before 6 am.
I slept up until 8 am.
I am in severe overwhelm.
What FES Flourish Line remedy can I take
for this?
I cannot move the energy in my room.
I have to move the energy in my room.
I also have to place the add for Craigslist.
We have to rent the little room.
I had other ideas during the night.
I felt freedom seeing, when Chris,
who was originally going to move in this weekend,
is feeling.
I have to place the ad again,
and then do some moving of the energy in here.
I have to trust I can get back to some of the other things
I was writing about here that felt so positive.
The overwhelm is profound
with so much to do.
I have to clear some things.
Where can it go?
Is there room in a barrel...
I have to let go of some things.
There are thousands of hours of things in here
to do.
Call Chris...
Do ad for Craigslist...
Called Chris....
He was going to move in....
May be ready for April...
He is going into surgery next week..
unexpectedly
Better place Craigslist ad....
8:47 am
February 18 2011
WHEN I GET OUT OF BED
THIS MORNING...
TO DO
Upload poem
The one from Rekindling of Faith..
for dear life....
get allies together.
Accept where I am at.
Make more shifts..
5:58 am
feb 18, 2011
CLASS FOR ABISE
job fpr abise at fM?
Ask Phil...
INTRO
FINISHED at 5:58 am
February 18, 2011
I have been having states of deep depression
and various other dark night of the soul emotions
for weeks and weeks, going on months.
The affairs of managing the house here
are overwhelming.
When the house is not stable, it becomes
a full time job.
I already have a full time job and a half that I need to
do well to keep my life on the upward spiril.
I have been making some progress at the house.
We have one more vacancy right now.
I talked to an ally today who was very active
full time in the recent Food Safety Modernization Act.
AT THE PACIFIC SYMPOSIUM 2010
One of the background issues of my life now
that I need help processing is my relationship
to the Pacific Symposium, the annual show where
I have created an altar for more than ten years.
Many people have done sacred work at the altar.
It has also provided a space for Morea Garcia,
an esteemed healer in my eyes, to do her work.
This year, events of the house were deeply with me,
as well as the impending vote on the Food Safety Modernization Act
#S510.
I launched the Campaign to Educate Washington on
Real Food Safety November 6-7.
I did the Closing Ceremony as usual on November 7.
The space I had was right across from registration.
I got numbers of complaints.
The president of the college had a meeting with my ally
the program director and announced he did not want to do
the space anymore.
On top of things here at the house that are extremely problematic,
I have this immense grief to process.
The Pacific Symposium Altar was an main expression of my soul
each year.
I received a lot of benefit from it.
I want to make a movie perhaps of the ten or more years
of the show.
I need a strategy for how to regain my foundation.
FES FLOURISH LINE REMEDIES ARRIVE
I got some new Flourish line remedies yesterday.
These are the new remedies that I ordered:
FEAR LESS
GRACE
GRIEF RELIEF
GROUNDING GREEN
POST_TRAUMA STABILIZER
http://www.fesflowers.com/flourish.htm
I started to take Grounding Green
yesterday, February 17, 2011.
I am going to keep a journal for how I am doing.
You can go here for more information
about the Flourish Line.
I introduced these to the Pacific Symposium 2010
with amazing results.
I have been offered a table in the lower room
of the Catamaran hotel.
I normally trade flowers.
I need to clarify with the trade would be.
I need to make sure I can be fair for all the items
that I receive from my sponsors to warrant the exposure
they would be getting.
I still have not heard back from the President.
He has not responded to my email.
The Pacific College has been a big part of my community life
and dreams.
I have to deal with this.
I also have to deal with the leaks in my energy field that
are harming me here at home right now.
I do not remember a time when I have hit a wall so hard.
The community knows I want to transition out of being the manager.
I would like to continue to live here.
Tomorrow is Friday.
I need to have some positive regard for myself again.
I will detail out why I have been feeling so out of integrity
with myself in further posts on this.
My first show of the year is the Natural Product Expo West March 10-13.
I need to call together my allies to help me with this.
4:22 am
OTHER ISSUE
Clutter in my space
I looked at moving out of here as well as staying here.
I am having difficulty moving the energy in my space.
It reached the point where I do not have the will
to move any of the clutter or go through things.
I am depleted.
It is still winter,
a season when in previous years,
I have had serious bowel complaints
and extreme diarrhea.
My bowel is manageable.
DIET
I am also unhappy with my diet now.
I am focused on too few foods.
My stable is pasture fed lamb
and steamed greens.
I am not eating enough raw.
fruit, an apple gives me increased diarrhea.
oranges would give me extreme runs.
Suzie's is a source of great sprouts from Sun
Grown.
FOCUS ON WHAT I WANT
NOT WHAT I DO NOT HAVE
That advise has been coming to me.
I am good at this when I do my Plant Your Dream work.
GE DEREGULATION
THis is also extremely a burden on me now.
I am highly upset by this.
I am blogging a lot on this issue now.
THE ENCHANTED GARDEN SEAL OF GOOD PLANETARY
BEET KEEPING
Can I pull this off?
I want a seal and a model of organizing my new website
with a seal of membership that is an extension of the
Beet Keepers.
This is a heavy education project to teach the concepts
at a time when my confidence is extremely low.
I feel I am out of intregrity with my counselor.
I have not been able to follow the advise she gave me.
I better turn to some new advisors...
I want to get in touch with the Jungians...
RUSS PIERCE WILL HELP ME
Get in touch with Russell Pierce.
emailed him...
RELIEF WITH VACANCY?
emailed Chris...
GET INTO PLANNING FOR NPEW
DOWNLOADED IPHONE APP
GET ON IPHONE>>>
CHECK WITH NPEW FACEBOOK SITE OFTEN
go back to bed now, please.
6 am
RECOMMENDED BY AN ALLY
THE WORKS OF ROBERT JOHNSON
http://www.wholenesstherapy.com/public/johnson.htm
Added
4:08 am
February 18, 2011
12:25 pm
February 17, 2011
Pulling myself up from bed.
Want to keep going.
Earlier...
Called a friend...
he tells me....
Yesterday....February 17, 2011
Afternoon....
ACCEPT DEPRESSION
other side rises up.
give it a chance to talk to us,
hear it.
repeat what it says.
or use a bigger stick.
depression is an internal experience.
Russian Revolution, taught that millions died.
1992--only ahandful died,,,
the Russian army decided, not to kill for a discator,,,
the direction of culture...
lot of energy into building up a fiction--
miracles happen.
they are the rule, not the exception.
my job is to stay in line with wholeness and intregity.
hang on to honestry,
truh makes the difference
be willing to turn and face the darkness.
suffer it, allow the black hole.
i stress the possible...
I build up depression at a phenomenal rate...
wrote on bill marler's blog...
the need to hold on to the truth...
whatever i am going to do...
focus on doing the most honest thing.
Michael Bulger,,,master student..
Marian Nestle's pit pull
Food Safety News--
Turn and face the depression...
sit still and let the craziness rise up...
disappear..
i will be changed by it.
there will be something i learn..
ADDING ON THINGS
serious pain in the ass.
face it...
cs lewis...
like a brick of marble..
suffer the pain of the chisle,
revealing the true self.
am i writing to change the way i feel...
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