Eating is going good. Tired.
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Date: 6/10/2008 2:50:16 AM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 1795 times
After work I was tired, and got cranky very quickly. Everything seemed to annoy me, and I mean everything. The way people walked, their hair, their shoes, escalators, lights, doors, queues in front of restautants I wasn't even going into...
I went to a second hand record store to sell my CDs. They made me wait for 15 or 20 minutes carrying the heavy bag, and then wouldn't even accept even one of my good albums. The only reason why I managed to leave politely was because I was straight off to the book store next door. But that went even worse, if possible! Had they even told me no for my books, too, but they took them all and offered 2 euros! I mean, what was that all about?! But I was too tired to realise to roll my eyes and leave them with no sale. Sheepishly I said I had thought about something like €5. Nah, said the seller, 4 was the best he could do. And I went and agreed! How stupid of me! I was so disappointed in myself afterwards, since these were probably the best books I was selling yet, I could've gotten more somewhere else. My mood got worse.
On my way home I bumped into a second hand record store I had completely forgotten about. For my amazement they offered €10 for just four of my CDs! Incredible! This boosted my mood so much that I felt instantly happy again. €14 seemed reasonable enough for all the books and a few records.
I calculated that I have gained €55,60 tax free so far! How unbelievable is that!
I ate surprisingly much for my first post day. After I got home I drank some juice and water, and had a bit of those defrosting fruit mashes I had. But after a little bit I started feeling a bit upset about eating the stuff, and I got slightly hungry. I didn't want to get grumpy again, so I followed my instincts, and rode to the store. It was time to reward myself for being so earnest in gaining money in this desperate situation! I was looking for an avocado, but they were out, so went for a banana instead. I also bought three tomatoes, two Granny Smith apples, and a kilo bag of peanuts. The €5,60 I allowed myself was just enough for all that. It's only now, having collected so many bottles and cans worth 10c, 15c or 20c each, how expensive stuff is, when you're really skint! I hope to keep up my economical ways from now on. Except when it comes to furnishing my flat. Or renewing my wardrobe that partly dates back to the time when I was 16. Or doing my hair, I'd really like to update my hairdo every now and then. Or... yep, welcome to the average life. I'm surely losing the traveller's touch.
I had loose thoughts on avocados and olives already during the last days of the fast, so I had no trouble identifying what to grab in the store. It's obviously healthy fats I crave right now. Eating that boring zucchini mush or grapefruit pulp provided no inspiration whatsoever, at least not right now. Today I've been munching on peanuts straight from the morning. I'm a little bit concerned how much of my lost inches I'll gain back now that my body obviously craves some calories, probably I'm slightly under my natural healthy measurements as well, but I like this shape so much... Still, I treated myself with a small handful of peanuts last night, enjoyed and chewed slowly and thoroughly with a small piece of banana. Oh, bliss! I was sooo ready to start eating again!
Eating feels funny, though. Putting something in my mouth and actually chewing was a shock at first. It was delightful, too. Do you ever get that funny feeling when eating something very yummy, like sweets or your favourite dessert, that something on the sides and under your tongue sort of tingles? How to explain it... Well, I've associated with the pleasure felt in the sweet taste buds, along with saliva glands starting to work harder. This was exactly the feeling I got when starting to cultivate food again. Yay!
I was overly concerned over my figure, though. I felt bloated at times, and sometimes I had to concentrate to stop myself from eating as much as my mind wanted. In the evening I had an enema, and just before going to bed my figure seemed just fine. I hope not to become neurotic.
A bit tired again.
I'm a bit concerned over the festival - I'm most likely to receive my final pay today, which would allow me to buy pretty much anything I want to eat, but then again I cannot carry too much stuff with me, I'll never have the strength. But, the nearby mini market is reputed for selling out on mostly everything they stock during the first days of the festival, so restocking doesn't seem like a very possible option, either. And right now I have pretty much no motivation towards eating this poop I've gotten out of the freezer - juiceless orange, cucumber, carrot... I find my inspiration in fresh fruit and veggies only. But all this pulp is defrosted already and needs to be used... I don't want to go against my body's desires now that it should express what's best for me clearer than ever. I also can't afford to let myself go completely loose on desires. What to do oh what to do?
I might have to freeze some of this stuff again and bring some along, and buy a lot of fresh stuff. I just don't want to run into a situation where I run out of food, I won't be able to buy cooked festival poop even in an "emergency" situation.
Oh this raw life might turn out just as hard as I feared. Not being able to go anywhere remote where I don't either carry superior supplies on me, or a restocking point is constantly nearby. I don't know how other raw fooders go on long holidays - do they always fast when hiking, and other places? I need to start re-reading the raw forum here. I desperately need support and examples. I might want to search for Finnish raw fooders and communities, too. Yeah, I think I might do so right now.
Have my entries turned into a mental mess all of a sudden, much? Enter brain fog.
Oh, and one thing I've noticed clearly after the fast: my skin had gone oilier again! Be it the banana and all those nuts, or whatever, but my forehead keeps getting shiny, and pushing more gunk out than in weeks, maybe even months. Also my hands aren't that dry any more! During the fast I needed to moisturize myself all over, now I definitely don't feel the need to do so!
My guts seems to be pressing my bladder, I feel the need to go quite often, with not much to expell.
I got my final pay. It was waaaaaaaaay less than expected. But I can't exactly complain befor I obtain some old payment documents from home to check what exactly it is that I'm missing. Ahh, the drama. I really don't have the time, patience and energy for this!! I just want to get it all out NOW so that I can go and buy any raw food I like!
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